


Six Feet Under

by jss_as



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hogwarts Sixth Year, M/M, Memory Loss, Order Member Draco Malfoy, POV Draco Malfoy, POV Hermione Granger, Post-Hogwarts, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:22:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 44,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29083836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jss_as/pseuds/jss_as
Summary: In the fall of Voldemort, Hermione Granger loses her magic and Draco Malfoy loses his memory. This is a journey to memory lane in which Hermione tries to recover her magic and recover Draco. History of II Parts.
Relationships: Ginny Weasley/Blaise Zabini, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Lavender Brown/Ron Weasley
Kudos: 8





	1. Reality

Disclaimer: I don't own this characters nor this literal world. All credits go to J.K Rowling.

_On the first anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts, we celebrated the victory of The Chosen One, Hary Potter who boldly won the Dark Lord Voldemort and reassured the wizard community, ending the seven years of fighting and dark times of persecution and death by the well-known Death Eaters. A year later, the magic community remains attentive to the exploits of war heroes, including the acclaimed Golden Trio featuring Harry, Ron, and the brilliant Hermione Granger, who provided key services during this adversarial war period. As such, we remain attentive to what the future holds for the famous magicians, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley followed a brilliant career as Aurors, fighting other crimes in the world. Unfortunately, Hermione Granger did not know the same future, nor the same success. During the war, the young wizard was the victim of a powerful and unaware black curse that took away all the magic. In the months following the war, the medical community at St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries has tried everything to reverse this unfortunate condition, after several months of experiments and trials, doctors give up hope of reversing Miss Granger's diagnosis._

_The whereabouts of the young sorceress are unknown, and so she is believed to have returned to her Muggle residence where her family lives. It's a pity the fate that followed this young hero, who expected a bright academic future since Hermione Granger was known at Hogwarts School for her insight and for being the best of her class, and perhaps one of the best that this world has known._

_By: Rita Skeeter_

Hermione Granger wanted to rip the newspaper. Of course, it would only be a matter of time before they discovered their condition, and by the irony of fate, it had to be written by the leech that was Rita Skeeter. One positive aspect was that they did not know where Hermione was, which meant she still had some dignity. Hermione re-read the news one more time and another, perhaps by a masochistic tendency or as a sadistic exercise of acceptance of her reality. Since joining Hogwarts for the first time, Hermione had fought for her magic, fought for a place within the community, struggled so that her muggle background did not imply turning into a failure of a wizard. Hermione Granger struggled for seven years of her life to gain a place in a world where she was not very well received. And now, she spent the last year struggling to regain her magic.

After all, the circumstances of her awful condition were well hidden, bullet-proof from the infallible and cruel Rita Skeeter, and that gave some comfort and even a sense of power to Hermione. Hermione was currently in London in a small apartment she rented for an indefinite time. His parents were still in Australia and safe. Although all her friends advised her to find a way to reverse the obliviate spell, Hermione did not want to face her parents no matter how much she missed them. She did not want to be seen like that. No magic. Impulsive. Angry. As Ginny said, she was deep-shit crazy. Hermione had promised to return to them when she returned to herself.

But it's been a year and she's no closer to finding the cure than she was a year ago. After exhaustive readings in various libraries, after talking to her teachers and other magical acquaintances, Hermione faced a dead end. Maybe it was time for her to go beyond her limits, maybe the solutions were not in the usual books but in dark magic books and circles. She did not like the hypothesis of approaching black magic, but if it was something the war taught her, it is that she did not win with common spells, and when life is at risk, there are certain limits that must be overcome, however much your consciousness weighs and awakens you in a frenetic state of nightmares. There are some things that are worth it, no matter the costs. In truth, it was because of this that she was here: paralyzed and without magic.

And she knew where to start.

The doorbell interrupted her thoughts and Hermione opened the door to find Ginny watching her, ready to receive her in a tight hug. Since the end of the war, Ginny and Hermione got close and Hermione was happy to have Ginny as her friend. In spite of loving the boys, Hermione realized that there are certain things that unite and make friendships between women and that make it a necessary good for their sanity. Ginny had been with Harry since the end of the war, although they had faced some obstacles in the months that followed, eventually, they got through them. Ginny had helped Hermione in recent times, especially by giving her books from Howgarts's library, since the young wizard had to finish her last year. And besides, some nights Ginny kept her company, and they ended up falling asleep to see the muggle programs that enchanted Ginny.

"Well, you look better. Loved the hair" Ginny said taking a look at her. "Love the wicked and sensual vibe there."

Call it her need to control her reality or a mechanism to handle everything Hermione decided to paint her hair dark brown. Maybe it was not the best idea, but it served the purpose.

"Thanks, Ginny." Hermione smiled leading them to the couch "So, news?"

"Neville is having girl problems with Luna. He's unbearable really."

"Poor guy, he cut that awful snake's head off. He deserves acting like a teenager boy."

"Yea, I guess so." Ginny said in a low tone.

"How's Harry? And Ron? I never heard from him anymore." Hermione asked genuinely. She missed the boys and their friendship. She missed when things were easier.

"Ron's trying to adapt to this Auror life, it's not as easy for him as it is for Harry. Even Harry has his doubts about his career and, well, he's Harry."

"I was thought that Harry would be a good teacher."

"I don't think we thought that much about your future because we were in the war, but everyone had to choose to do something with their time, I guess. For the sake of our sanity." Ginny confessed in a sober tone. "Anyways, how are you? Truly. No bullshit."

"I'm fine." Hermione said looking at everyone but Ginny. "I think I found a new way."

"What?" Ginny asked enthusiastically.

Hermione looked at Ginny like a scared child that ruined mommy's dress "You are not going to like this but… This is a black curse, so the only way to revert this thing is by dark magic."

"What the fuck, no way." Ginny got up immediately "Are you out of your mind?"

"There is the only way, it's been a year Ginny." Hermione tried to control the tone of her voice, not to express what she was really feeling. Her fists were closed to prevent her old friend from seeing that she was shaking. "Honestly, I don't care. I want one way out."

Ginny looked at her with an apprehensive expression, seemed to be indecisive between attaching Hermione right there, to prevent any kind of damage, or simply let her friend go that way. Ginny always seemed untouchable but after the war and all the deaths, her expression did not show any kind of emotions.

"I'm not going to use black magic like I'm crazy. I'm not Voldemort." Hermione said and noticed that her friend still shuddered when mentioning his name. Hermione could not care less about that maniac. "I'm going to figure out a safe way to do this, Ginny. You have to trust me."

"Hermione, I know the last year has not been easy but did you think that maybe ... should you accept this?"

Hermione laughed roughly. "You've always had magic, you've always lived surrounded by magic, you do not know what it is to lose something that you loved deeply. It's who I am, Ginny, who's Hermione Granger without magic? "

"I do not want to lose you to some black spell that can go wrong, really bad, Hermione, you know it's a dangerous terrain." Ginny almost begged. "Let me talk to Harry."

"I think Harry will not be able to save the day this time." Hermione said. "And he would do the same as me if he was me. He understands."

"Ginny I need this." Hermione practically begged. "I need to sort it all out, get my magic back, and ..." Hermione looked down at her shaking hands.

"Malfoy?" Ginny questioned, knowing the answer. "It's not a simple Obliviate, is it?"

"It was Lucius who cast the spell, it's black magic, and there's only one way to break black magic, and I still do not know if it will regain its full memory." Hermione began to feel the tears flooding her eyes. "I have a plan. Alone, Ginny."

"I will not let you do this, Hermione." Ginny said determinedly, "Alone, at least, I'll help you."

Hermione could hug her friend right now, she was grateful to have Ginny's help, but on the one hand, she wanted to do it herself. She felt it was her journey more than anyone else.

"I can not ask you that." Hermione said.

"You're not asking. I just need to sort things out at home, talk to Harry and we can start."

After Ginny left, with the promise that she would return, Hermione began to prepare a small suitcase with clothes and other objects that would be necessary for her trip, like books, many books. As she tossed lots of books into her special bag, a photo fell from one of them, _Hogwarts: A History_ , her favorite. Hermione knew what this picture was, she remembered perfectly when she'd put it there, protected from everyone. She felt her heartbeat harder, her hands trembling to the approaching moment. Hermione turned the photo around and something fell on her stomach. _Fuck, she missed him so much_. This was the only photo that proved that somewhere in the sixth year, Draco Malfoy fell in love with Hermione Granger and vice-versa. This was the only proof that they shared something magical, lost in time and in memory of Draco. Tears began to stream from her eyes and she took the photograph to her chest, protecting it from the passage of time.

She would return to this moment in the blink of an eye. Hermione sighed deeply and put the photograph inside her favorite book, and put it in her bag. She had a plan and soon there would be many more of them, new memories of her and Draco in this new world that does not yet know them. After Lucius' death and Voldemort's defeat, Draco returned to his mother's house and, as far as Hermione knows, managed to get a job in the ministry. He was still Draco Malfoy, he continued to reminisce about his black past, the death of his father, only the Hermione he came to love disappeared from his memory. Hermione did not believe it was possible, a spell so concrete against her, but she quickly realized that Draco only knew they went to the same school and never spoke a word to each other, he was extremely confused when she started to cry ahead of him. This was not the Draco Malfoy that Hermione hated, and she came to love.

After days of searching, Hermione found an old tape recorder, which belonged to her parents, it was not in the best condition, but served her purpose. After finishing packing, the young witch sat on the edge of her bed and with a click, began to record the sound of her voice. It seemed so distant and sad, no wonder Ginny was so worried about her.

 _"Day 370 since the incident. This is Hermione Granger, I do not expect the name to ring any bell in you, except perhaps some of the news you've seen lately. Oh, and maybe you remember me, like the crazy girl who insisted on talking to you and wept in front of you. "_ Hermione took a deep breath _. "There's a reason for everything, even to madness. And there's more to your story than you know. But I'm about to get back everything that was lost and even if I fail ... or if I die trying, at least a part of you will hear this story and maybe believe or remember it._

_Let's start._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone, this is my first fic, so don't be too harsh on me! I'm sorry if there are any grammar errors (English is not my first language). Also, if the characters in this chapter seem a little OOC, it is because after the battle of Hogwarts and in the face of new circumstances it is natural for them to have some changes. Naturally, this story ignores the epilogue. At the moment I'm still writing the first part that takes place only in the 6th year; the second part will be in the present, away from Hogwarts.  
> Anyways, hope you liked this chapter and this story! xx


	2. Potions

_Part I - Before_

_Autumn_

Hermione Granger knew one thing. This year no one would put themselves in her way, not even the adventures with their best friend, Harry Potter. Well, maybe not that. But apart from that, nothing would stop her from continuing to be the best of her class and her year. After the disaster of Umbridge's teaching and the death of Sirius, Hermione felt behind, she missed her books and the long hours spent in the library. The scent of parchment. The familiarity of her solitary corner, where Hermione could be herself. So when Professor Snape decided to pair up for the lesson project, and Hermione was pair with the obnoxious and cruel Draco Malfoy, she wanted to make a tantrum, but she had made a promise to herself: she wanted to get back to her normal state, to return to the books when the whole witchcraft community was preparing for an imminent war, Hermione wanted to have a last year focused on its studies, as was supposed. After all, it was for this that she came to Hogwarts.

At least the prince of Slytherin did not spit any horrible words against her. To her surprise, he just sat down beside her, as Snape had commanded and remained silent, with an expression of indifference. _Good,_ Hermione thought.

"Before you start complaining that you do not like your partner, know that I could care less about your needs and affiliations." Snape said, in a relaxed tone of pure indifference. "Each group will perform two potions, an Antidote to Veritaserum and Veritaserum. They are two complex potions, which take weeks to be mastered and completed, so they have a I check for bad results or problems between groups, you have only two weeks old to complete the task."

The crowd grunted, too loud for Snape's taste, but Hermione's head was already a thousand at a time, listing the various books she had read and mentioning these potions. She always liked a good challenge. Hermione glanced at the enemy at her side, who was completely distracted by scribbling lines in the notebook, with the palm of hand supporting his head. _He looked different_ , Hermione thought. But they were all a little different since Cedric's death. Professor Snape continued to lecture, writing something on the board about the potion of the day, though Hermione, against everything her head was shouting at her, decided to talk to Draco, since it had to happen eventually.

"What do you think of the potion?" Hermione asked in a low tone, almost a mere whisper.

"Super interesting." Draco said sarcastically, not looking up at Hermione.

Hermione wanted to protest, perhaps to shout a little with him, but it was always preferable a Draco Malfoy with his controlled temper, then one who spits venomous words against her. Still, she could not let it go.

"I have to do some research, there are a lot of failed theories on how to make this potion, I suppose we have to try."

"As you wish". Draco looked up briefly at Hermione, only to show an expression of discontent.

"Unfortunately, we're going to have to see ourselves out of class to do this." Hermione said defensively. "So, I think we should be civil with each other, even if we both want to kill each other."

Draco looked at Hermione with an incredulous look and gave him his usual smirk. "Do you want to kill me Granger? It's not much a Gryffindor of you."

Hermione glared at Malfoy's grey eyes, intensely until she returned to her senses and scowl at him. "Maybe. But you know what I mean." she said turning her eyes on the black board.

"We'll meet in the library tomorrow, let's just get this over with as quickly as possible and avoid a murder." He said with a smirk.

The remaining classes passed quickly, Hermione felt that the expected work of the students this year had been reinforced and this made her enthusiastic. In addition, the motivation ran in her veins as he looked at her Head Girl badge. It was something Hermione had always dreamed of and was grateful to Professor Minerva for giving her this chance. So, when struck the twelve beads, Hermione ran from the tower of Gryffindor, bidding farewell to her best friends so absorbed in the game of chess that they barely noticed that the young sorceress had left the room.

 _This is going to be a good year_ , Hermione thought. Must be. After all that happened, after Harry had been possessed by Voldemort, after Sirius' tragic death, after having supported his best friend at this difficult time. Hermione was so immersed in her own thoughts that she did not even question who she was patrolling with today. Realizing the young man waiting for her against the wall, Hermione's enthusiastic expression was replaced by an expression of disgust and dismay. _Draco Malfoy._ _Of course._

"What are you doing here Malfoy?" She asked, even knowing the answer.

"Same as you. Let's finish this and please do not talk." Malfoy walked forward in a confident, arrogant style. Hermione wanted to yell at him but that would only make him talk to her.

Hermione was walking behind Malfoy, and she could not help noticing that the prince of Slytherin no longer had the annoying craze of walking as if everyone stopped to watch him pass. Now he looked just tired, indifferent, and this aroused an immense curiosity and confusion in Hermione. Classes have barely begun and he cannot be tired of homework and reading, even though he is the second best in his year class _. Second best_. So there had to be another reason behind this new behaviour. Still, he was annoying. More annoying was the fact that almost an hour had passed, and Hermione was tired of the silence.

"So, what do you think of the potion Snape told us to do?" Hermione asked, behind him.

"I have some books that we can consult to make the potion." Malfoy said in an arrogant tone.

"Oh." Hermione could not hide the surprise in his voice. This would undoubtedly be a different work than it was customary to do with Harry and Ron. "I also know of some that we can consult, but well, they are …"

"What Granger? The cat ate your tongue," Malfoy said sarcastically, glancing at Hermione for a few seconds.

"In the Forbidden section." Hermione said quietly.

This undoubtedly catch the attention of Draco who stopped and turned to her, almost bumping into each other. Hermione suddenly became aware of the small space that separated them, to the point of being able to smell the scent of Draco. "I did not know you had Granger in you... Oh my."

Hermione looked defiantly at Draco. Moonlight flashed across his face briefly, and Hermione stared at the dark circles around Draco, probably sleep deprived. His cheekbones were also more prominent, and there was something in his eyes that screamed dangerous and confused. Draco's sarcastic, amused expression changed, and he looked at Hermione with a confused and defiant look. He too had realized how close the two enemies were, about to break out of this strange and shameful moment, Draco took two steps back and continued to walk.

"What's the matter, Malfoy? Too close to a mudleblood?" Hermione spat bitterly. "Worried about what your father might find?

Malfoy stopped walking and on a violent turn met Hermione's eyes again, this time his grey deep eyes were upset, pure anger swam into them and Hermione thought he would cast her a spell. She wanted to take a step back but refused let him win.

"Don't every talk about my father, never again, you know nothing. Nothing, you little bitch." Draco said angrily.

"Did I touch a nerve?" Hermione said in a proud tone. A part of Hermione screamed for her to provoke him even more, to make him uncomfortable in his own skin, just as he made her feel so many times.

"You don't want to." he said with dangerous eyes, that were burning at her. She thought she would melt away.

"Maybe I do." Hermione said.

"Playing with fire Granger? Is your life really that boring?" Draco smirked in response.

Hermione swallowed, aware of how close Draco's face was to her, his colony was intoxicating. Hermione crossed her arms in front of her chest and tried her best to dispel her discomfort with a head lift. _Fake it until you make it._

"Your crazy aunt killed Sirius." Hermione said with conviction.

"So?" Malfoy asked like he was confused in thought.

"Honestly, Malfoy, I do not expect you to become a good person, with some kind of morals but you're smarter than all that death eater bullshit." Hermione said honestly. _Maybe it was a mistake to talk about it. Sure he couldn't be a death eater. Not yet._

Draco looked at her as if she were crazy, as if she were from another planet. He wanted to be anger her, maybe curse her for being so annoying, for thinking she is of knows everything. Even this she thought she knew. _Stupid Bitch, he thought. What could she know?_

"Good night." Hermione said and kept walking. She sees the turmoil behind Malfoy's eyes the moment she confronted him. And the hesitation in his gaze was enough for her to disappear before he changed his mind and cursed her.

Draco stood in the same spot incredulous with what Granger had told him.


	3. Nightmares

If there is something that Draco Malfoy found out this year, it's just how lonely his life has become in a moment to the next. Secrets, more than anything else, kept people away, and dig holes in places that used to be complete and innocent. A secret always involved building a façade, a new character in your life that no one knew, implied lying to your friends about what is happening to you, although it is quite clear that you have become a depressive bastard. Secrets are a burden, too heavy to carry for too long. And they had the irritating habit of waking you up at three in the morning with sleeplessness. Draco's mind thought of everything, questioned how his mother was. He missed her and the comfort she brought him. He imagined his father's scornful and hateful face, impatient with Draco's results. His father became a walking ghost, only a servant, blinded by hatred, without love for his family. When Draco was a child and listened to Dark Lord stories at the dinner table and promises of a victorious future by his followers that was not exactly what was on his mind. He did not think he would be held hostage in his own home, he would not have thought his future was simply killing or being killed. He did not want to kill anyone. Ever.

Briefly, Draco remembered Granger's words and was filled with a wave of anger. Even Fucking Granger expects something from me. At least she would be the last person Draco would ever feel sorry for disappointing. Tired of listening to himself, Draco got up and put his robes on top of his pajamas. He would not be able to sleep tonight so it was worth doing something useful and walked to the seventh floor, closed his eyes and a giant door appeared in front of him. He entered. One more night.

The heat of summer was fading, giving way to the cool breeze and the beginning of autumn. The temperature in the room had dropped dramatically, everything seemed colder when she returned to her head girl dorm. In the comfort of her sheets, she thought of her meeting with Malfoy hours ago. Stupid git. She refused to admit that the words they exchanged kept her awake, she still felt a shiver in her spine and adrenaline to face Malfoy. Maybe it was a mistake to confront him about being a possible death eater like Harry believes, the last thing she wanted was to have problems with the project assigned to them. She cursed her big mouth and curiosity and turned away noticing the moonlight reflected on the wall of her bedroom. She expected some reaction from Malfoy, that he would shout or call her that horrible name, but nothing came, he just stood there strangely paralyzed. She hated that his scent still seemed to hover over Hermione. Tomorrow she would take a long bath to remove any scent from her enemy.

The morning came faster than Hermione wanted. Instead of her usual morning routine: wake up at 6 in the morning, take a bath in quiet, let her hair dry in the natural and do some light reading while watching the sunrise from her bedroom window. Hermione woke up too late and would hardly have time to eat breakfast. Leaving the bed hurried and sleepy and running to the bathroom she did not even think twice about who might be there and bumps into Malfoy's reasonably muscled body, covered by a towel around her waist. She lifted her head to look at him and regretted it at the exact moment.

"Are muggle-borns are not taught to knock at the door before they come in? It's called education," he said with a sneer. Draco had not slept either, and at the moment the last thing he wanted to deal with was Granger but seeing her fumbling and speechless amused him more than he'd ever imagined.

Hermione became aware of the height difference between her and Malfoy and suddenly felt very small, embarrassed, and even inferior to him. A wave of heat raced through her body, perhaps anger or shame and she straightened as hard as she could, earning only a few centimeters that did not do justice to Malfoy. His hair was completely unkempt and spiked, giving him a more natural, sloppier, and even more humane air. But the circles around his eyes were still there, apparently, she was not the only one who did not sleep tonight. Hermione's eyes drifted for seconds through Malfoy's body but they quickly found the curious, malicious eyes of Draco looking at her as if watching his prey, deeply delicious by her embarrassment.

"You do not deserve my education and the next time lock the damn door. Are you sure you can do it alone or does the mother have to come and help?" Hermione said imitating the best that she could the Draco's usual smirk.

"Am I supposed to be offended?" he still said with a sly grin on his face "Oh, and I'm sure Weasley does not make you blush like that." And with that Draco left the bathroom leaving a furious and incredulous Hermione behind.

After the incident in the bathroom, Hermione Granger wanted to stir something into the fire. Deprived of her sleep and without taking breakfast, she felt herself about to explode or fall asleep during class, however much she liked charms, her body wanted to hang up and go back to bed. Ron was sitting next to her and she could not stop thinking about Malfoy's stupid comment. Ron is a very handsome boy, she thought. He's not the best-looking guy ever but Hermione values other things like personality. Ron had a good heart and was loyal, the same could not be said of Draco's selfish and manipulative nature.

"Hermione, are you okay?" Ron asked as the professor looked for a passage in the book.

No. For reasons beyond my comprehension, I am comparing you to Malfoy.

"Yes, I just did not eat breakfast. I'm tired." Hermione said honestly.

Ron touched her arm lightly and continued to stare at the teacher. He is a good guy, she thought.

At the end of classes, Hermione was defeated. Despite having lunch, her body was still tired from the sleepless night, and knowing that a session on the Defence of the Dark Arts project with Malfoy was waiting for her only made her feel worse. The night before they had agreed, after much discussion, to meet in the library by late afternoon. It was exactly five in the afternoon and according to Malfoy, his lectures would end early because of that you would expect he would be there but to Hermione's annoyance, the library was empty.

Too tired to look for him through the castle Hermione decided to sit down at a table and start doing the project, that is until she fell asleep completely with her head lying on top of a book.

Draco knew he was late to meet Granger in the library but unfortunately, it was not to annoy her to the point of turning red, although it pleased him enough. His mission was failing and every minute that passed the rope around his neck tightened more. Still, he decided to show up at the library around six o'clock in the afternoon and without much surprise found a ball of light brown hair lying on the table. As he approached, he found her asleep his snails falling over her face leaving only her little nose and a small part of her face in sight. Her features seemed troublesome as if she were having a nightmare and Draco knew better than anyone else how horrible that was. Taken by a brief sense of pity he decided to wake her from whatever she was dreaming about by shaking his shoulder abruptly. Hermione jumped up, terrified about what the hell was going on, as she realized she was dreaming.

She was having the worst dream about her parents being killed in front of her as she let out a scream that did not even look like hers. A raw cry of pure pain. When she came back to reality, she notices small tears in her eyes and in her cheeks, which she quickly wiped with the sleeve of her sweater before facing Malfoy's judgment eyes. The last thing she wanted was for him to know her nightmares and to see her cry.

"Where were you?" shouted Hermione, rougher than she intended.

Malfoy did not ignore her semi-red eyes clearly that she was having a horrible nightmare and he felt a little curious about what was going on in her big head.

"I had some things to do. And is anyone keeping you busy at night, Granger?" he asked smirking.

 _Yes. You,_ she thought, angry at herself.

Hermione got up and quickly arranged her papers and book in her suitcase. This day had to end. Please.

"Tomorrow, be here in time. Let's get this over so I do not have to deal with you, ever again." she said in a tired and bitter voice.

She felt exhausted after this horrible nightmare and just wanted to get out of there. Hermione started to walk towards the door, but Malfoy stood in front of her, looking intently into her eyes, as if searching for something, some response. She hated it when he approached her like that and how uncomfortable he made her feel, how much out of herself she felt when he looked at her with those turbulent, intense eyes. His jaw twitched as if he wanted to say something but was fighting himself not to say. His eyes said the same and did not leave Hermione's brown eyes for one second. She felt like running out of air and space. Finally, the expression of indifference returned to his face and Malfoy strode away from her. She could breathe again.

"If you convince Madam Pomfrey she can give you some dreamless sleep potion. It works," he said neutrally as if it meant nothing and left the library.


	4. One of Them

_Fact. She hated Malfoy._ She hated his smug air and the attitude of superiority to everyone, even his friends. She felt sorry for the idiocy of Goyle and Crabbe for having to put up with it. She felt sorry for the girls so desperately in love with him as if there was something in him that was worth falling in love with. She hated his bloody pureblood ideology and how cruel his thought was, oblivious of any common sense and compassion. She hated Draco Malfoy from the moment they spoke for the first time, but most of all, she hated him now, fiercely for his behavior and confused expressions, and difficulty to read. But Hermione hated, even more, the fact that the last few days she only thought about him and how annoying or how much she hated had to change for the sake of her sanity. Maybe she could convince him to let her do all the work but there was a big if, and that was Snape who was going to find out, somehow. There had to be another way to avoid this.

"Hermione, are you listening?" asked Harry, sitting across from her at the table of the great hall.

"Sorry, I was thinking about homework for ancient ruins. What were you talking about?" she said beginning to eat the breakfast eggs, which she had not yet touched.

"Harry's conspiracies." said Ron with his mouth full. "Malfoy."

"Hermione, Malfoy's been acting very suspiciously lately, and we cannot ignore what we've seen!" said Harry enthusiastically. "He's one of them."

"Harry, please. He's sixteen, what use you know who gains with him? said Hermione annoyed. The last thing she wanted was to talk about Malfoy when he was already in her head.

"We saw him walking on the seventh floor yesterday. What could he do there?" Harry asked victoriously as if he already knew the answer.

"Yes, he seemed agitated." Ron agreed with his mouth full.

"What time was that?"

"A few minutes before five, why?" Harry replied.

"Bastard. We had to do that damn potion and he showed up hours later. Stupid git." Hermione grunted, eating furiously.

"He's plotting something, Hermione, I know." he said confidently. Hermione always supported Harry in his actions and in what he thought, even when they did not make sense, or when he was being carried away by his temper.

"Okay Harry, if that's true, what can we do?" said Hermione who suddenly lost her appetite.

"Confront him."

"That would not be good for anyone. Someone would get hurt, Harry." Hermione advised. "Please do not do anything impulsive. If you really think he's one of them, you have to prove it."

"Hermione, you and Malfoy are partners. You can keep an eye on him." said Harry enthusiastically. "And find out if he's one of them."

Hermione wanted to laugh. "I'm not going to spend another minute with him more than I'm supposed to."

"Harry, this is a bad idea, we're talking about Malfoy. Hermione cannot spend time with that piece of shit." Ron came to his defense, like a white knight, if the knight's mouth was dirty with sauce.

"I can do it." Hermione said determinedly. Something about Ron's comment shook her as if she were weak enough that she could not be over his presence _. She was anything but weak._ "I already have to do the assignment with him so I can do this Harry."

"But Hermione …" Ron intervened but was quickly silenced by Hermione's rough voice.

"No, Ronald, I can take care of myself and we both know I'm a better wizard than Malfoy, so there's nothing to worry about."

"Thank you, Hermione, for doing this." Harry smiled at her genuinely, and the young witch was invaded by a welcoming feeling of seeing his best friend happy. She knew how much it meant to Harry that someone believed him and his crazy theories. And after last year, she did not want her best friend to go back to the same lonely abyss where he was.

_There goes the plan to avoid Malfoy at all costs._

_6 p.m_

"When's the next full moon?" Hermione asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Last week of the month." he answered annoyingly sitting in the chair watching Hermione flip through a series of books.

Hermione merely nodded and continued her frantic search for something, Draco had already given up on knowing what she was doing and merely did his own research on the potion. An hour had passed since the two of them were in the library and this was the first time any of them spoke to Draco's happiness.

This was Hermione Granger's natural habitat and Draco could not help noticing how focused and determined she was and how quickly her eyes flicked through the information in the book. Today she decided to wear her hair on a high ponytail and a few strands of hair hung over her face, modeling her asymmetrically perfect face to Draco's surprise. He had never really looked at Hermione to the point of noticing the little freckles or the fact she bites her lip slightly when she discovered something exhilarating. She could be a muggle-born, but Malfoy was a boy, and he could admire a girl's appearance.

The sunset fell on the library windows and reflected on Hermione's light brown hair. Her small figure was covered in a golden light, her face glowed slightly, and her eyes grew even more prominent. _She looked peaceful and happy_ , Draco thought and envied her for it. By her relaxed appearance, her enthusiasm and desire for something, for her lightness. Seeing her this way made him feel uncomfortable and nauseous.

_This mission really was affecting his head._

"I think I found the right formula." said Hermione, smiling broadly at Draco. "It's complicated and we need questionable ingredients but ... I think I found it."

Draco was taken aback by her genuine smile. How she could smile at him even after all he had ever done to her.

"Good." he replied uncomfortably. "I can get the most questionable ingredients."

"We're going to need the tears of a centaur."

"What the fuck?" Draco exclaimed.

"We will make it." she said positively. "I know a trustworthy one. He will hear us."

"Oh of course you do." said Draco sarcastically. "And tell me, how is your plan to make the damn creature cry?"

"I do not know." she said "Say please?

Draco laughed genuinely. "Yea, that would do."

Hermione could not help but smile at Malfoy's laughter. This was the first time she had heard him laughing, genuinely, and free from his usual scorn, and no matter how hard she admitted it was a pleasant sound.

"I can talk to Harry. I'm not sure he already figures this potion out, but he helps us."

Something stirred Malfoy's anger, and his formerly laid-back features were now in an agonizing mood.

"Cannot you do anything by yourself, without him behind you every minute of your day?" he replied furiously.

"What's your problem?" Hermione answered him in the same tone. "Do you have a death wish or are you arrogant enough to think we can just talk to these creatures?"

"They are inferior to us in any way." Draco said convinced.

"You arrogant git. You really believe that." she said in disbelief. "We need Harry to do this so just stick your pride in your ass and let me figure it out. You can watch if you want" She finished with a triumphant smile.

 _Damn. That was hot._ He thought. And immediately hated himself for thinking that.

"Fine," he grunted. "Good adventure."

"Thank you." she said, continuing to smile at him. "I do not believe Snape would force us to do this knowing how dangerous and proud these creatures are. Half the class will not be able to complete the potion unless Harry manages to persuade Bane to help us. "

"Yes, because Hagrid is not a total madman with his damned creatures. " said Malfoy angrily.

"Oh, come on." Hermione looked at him with a reticent look, "He has no idea how dangerous these creatures can be. He had no intention of hurting you."

"Whatever. He's not crazier than Snape."

"Fair enough. I think the rest of the ingredients are easier to get, like a salamander."

"Let's just get this over with." said Draco, starting to pack the papers and books into his backpack.

"I agree." Hermione started to sort her things too slowly. She had promised to find out what was wrong with Malfoy and the time was running out. “Tomorrow we have patrols.

"Yes, Granger. I'm aware." he replied without looking at her.

This was going to be a lot harder than she figured out. How did someone talk to Draco Malfoy? Hermione did not know what to say. It was very easy to annoy him to the point that he wanted to cast a spell on her, but to meet him, that was beyond the capabilities of the young witch. Hermione watched him closely as he tidied up his things oblivious of the look on him. His hair was messy, but he still looked nice, even with messy hair his features resemble high aristocracy. His face had also thinned down in the last few months, and only an idiot did not notice the increasingly dark circles around his eyes. Clearly, he was not eating enough too, or getting enough sleep. He was careless, distracted in class, and less irritating and malicious than he had been, he wasted no time throwing insults at her friends, not even at her. He seemed indifferent to everything.

"Thanks for the advice ... of last night." Hermione said stammering.

Draco stopped what he was doing, surprised by what she had said. He did not want her to think he cared for her, because _he did not_. He just said it because he felt a mere empathy for the witch, he was not a monster after all. _Not yet at least._

"Whatever." he said, going back to packing his things faster. He knew how to talk to Granger when she was irritated with him, when she was deeply angry to the point of being all red, he could also be civil for a few minutes and do what was supposed to be done but talk to her as if they were friends that he would not do.

"How did you know that Madam Pomfrey would give me the potion? It is not the norm for her to give the students such potion."

"I heard rumors she could give." Draco got up abruptly and put the bag on his shoulder. Hermione got up too and for minutes she wanted to follow him and keep talking.

"Do you have nightmares?" Hermione asked feeling like a complete idiot, a child. _What a stupid question that was_. "Never mind."

Draco stopped for a few minutes and turned to Hermione, who was too embarrassed to look at him.

"I'm going to talk to Harry. Tomorrow be there in time " she said and left in quick steps past Draco without looking at him.

 _Stupid. Stupid,_ she thought.


	5. Tears

The last thing Draco wanted was to spend Friday night crossing the Forbidden Forest in the presence of _Fantastic-Potter_ and Granger. At least he had Theo's company that had been joined with Harry for this assignment. It started to rain softly but enough to deeply irritate Draco. He had to finish his mission, which was nowhere near complete. It was _all fucked up_ and here he was, hunting down a centaur's tears and following in the footsteps of the _Chosen One_ and _brilliant Fucking Grange_ r _._ How he wanted to get out of this miserable school, leave it all behind, everything he knew. Never again have to put up with Granger's irritating mania such as her irritating habit of moving her lips as she reads silently; or her disorganization with the papers splashed by the table, real chaos for such a tiny person; or the fact that she barely touches her breakfast because she is too busy reading or doing her homework or serving as moral and emotional support for her ignorant and incompetent best friends. Anyway, he wanted to get away from it all.

"Hey Drake, Pansy wants to organize a small party next weekend." Theo said walking side by side with him.

"Only Slytherin?" he asked. "Please say yes."

"I think she wants diversity." Theo said laughing.

"She wants to fuck someone new or make a fool of someone." Draco said annoyed.

"Yea, you know. Everyone is doing their best to pass time." Theo said almost in a whisper. "To get through I guess."

"What are you doing then?" Draco asked curiously keeping an eye on Granger and Harry who were absorbed in their little private conversation. _Pathetic._

"Just being with someone you know, kill the loneliness. Keep the madness inside. It's nice to talk to someone about… stuff, or whatever."

"I supposed."

"And you, what are you doing?"

Draco kept looking at Hermione _. Something so fucking stupid._ "Well, hunting centaur tears apparently." They both laughed like the old times, for some seconds, and then they were sucked to reality.

After half an hour of walking through the darkness and density of the forest, Draco's senses were growing clearer and alert. His legs began to shiver, and he felt himself growing colder and colder. He knew what was happening. The mark on his arm burned her skin and intense pain ran through his veins. This was His warning or His arrival, however, Draco's body was giving up little by little, but he kept walking, not catching the attention of anyone, not even his friend, who was his side, completely absorbed in their thoughts and the depressed ambient between them.

Maybe Draco had managed to spend the rest of the night unnoticed if Hermione had not caught abruptly in the middle of the way, and during screaming, she stepped back and stopped in the middle of his arms. He froze with her warm touch.

"What the fuck is going on?" Theo said excitedly.

In front of the group was a centaur on his deathbed, moaning in pain and blue blood sprouting from his mouth, chest, and stomach. The path was soaked with its bright blood and a horrifying, metallic scent hung over the air. He smelled death, suffering, and despair. Harry hurried to rescue the animal dying, removing his wand, and casting some spells that would heal him. Draco knew this smell perfectly, it was the new scent of his house, it was the smell of innocent death kills on his dining table, his living room floor, his bedroom bed.

He closed his eyes briefly, holding back the vomit that came to his mouth. He needed to get out of there, but if he ran out, he would make Potter suspicious, even more than he already was. The brand was still burning, and it felt hot and cold at the same time, his heart was pounding against his chest and he thought he might faint right there. He needed something, an escape. Unconsciously, he touched both sides of Hermione's arms, which remained quite close to him after having walked back a few steps. She was trembling slightly with the situation in front of her, but if she felt Draco's touch, she said nothing and stayed still, close to him.

Amidst the strong odor of death, Draco tried to focus on the perfume of Hermione that was quite strong. She smelled like vanilla and something exotic, maybe roses and a patch of rain. After a few seconds, he felt her body relax, though he could still hear the small sobs he let go from time to time.

"Harry ... there is no point." She sighed as she looked her best friend in the eye. Harry was stunned, paralyzed in time and space. This was his first contact with death since Sirius died. The agony sounds of the poor animal felt like knives stuck in his heart, which made him remember everything. Harry continued to shift his gaze between the centaur and Hermione, who somehow knew what Harry was feeling and shared with him his pain and loss.

"I'm so sorry. So sorry." Harry repeated softly, mostly to himself, lowering to where the animal lay.

No one was indifferent to the agony and suffering of this animal. They were stuck in this kind of trance when watching a fantastic animal dying in front of them and the world was oblivious to what was happening there, with them. But deep down, seeing death so close, reminded them of the coming war or of those who they have already lost. It reminded them of the fear and despair that was palpable in the air when they returned this year to Hogwarts. It reminded them of the secrets and murmurs in the corridors, the threats of Voldemort's arrival, the deaths of Muggle towns, and entire families swipe from the earth because of hate. It reminded them of the burden they carried and from which they could not escape. Everything became clear at that moment, everything they tried to ignore over the past weeks or months, by studying and working like crazy; or screwing around just to numb the fear; or obsessed over something to try to fix this; or just stopped eating, sleeping, living reality.

"We need to do something." Draco said softly.

" I will do it." Hermione said, stepping forward.

A part of Draco did not want her to go, the closeness between them and the light touch on Hermione's arms was what Draco was keeping from having an attack any minute.

"Hermione, you do not have to." said Harry, touching her on the shoulder. Hermione lowered herself slowly to the animal dying and pulled out her wand. The animal nodded softly, and Hermione's eyes filled with tears. She tried one last time to save the poor animal and put her trembling hands in the body of the centaur, trying to remove the suffering. A wave of pain and agony struck her body, all hope vanished from her and for a moment, she thought she was really going to die. No light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing was confortamble. 

"Hermione, stop! You're bleeding!" Harry screamed and pulled her out of that trance. Her head ached, and she could not get up off the floor. She felt the blood flowing from her nose to her white blouse.

Draco withdrew his wand and cast the Avada Kedavra's curse, ending the suffering of the poor animal, who looked into his eyes with a suspicious and understanding look. Hermione let out a small cry and grabbed her head that was exploding.

"Fuck. It hurts." she said desperately. Harry tried to stop the blood from flowing from his nose but in vain. He looked terrified and Hermione noticed how small he truly was. _Just a boy, really._

"Shit. What are we going to do?" Theo asked trying to keep his calm and failing.

"Potter, help me grab her." Draco told Harry as he tried to lift her off the floor. Face to face, he took Hermione's hands that gripped her head and placed his hands on her delicate face removing all the pain the centaur had given her. His body felt warm, too warm with the amount of magic that was running through her veins, and he almost managed to forget the burning of his dark mark, which seemed to hurt more and more as Draco looked into Hermione's eyes or touched her. The color returned to Hermione's face and the pain slowly faded away from the young witch.

"Are you okay man?" Theo asked Draco as he finished the healing spell. After all, Snape’s private lessons were good for something, other than healing wounds and intense bleeds caused by the Dark Lord to his family. He felt the ancient magic running through his veins, but there was something different this time. He already performed this kind of spell once on his father after a little dispute with Voldemort. Sure he felt the pain he was channeling as his own, but this time, he felt something else. If he focused he could feel Granger's magic flowing through him, even now. There was something foreign and powerful fighting his way out out of him. Demanding to get out, to be seen, or to be absorbed. 

"Yes. Just dizzy." He said dropping his hands from Hermione's small face. She looked at him, startled, with eyes wide open. He nodded to her, like a silent agreement between them: you _welcome, but don't mention it to anyone._

"What did you do?" Harry asked, suspiciously. "That spell doesn't work in humans."

"I guess I'm that good, Potter." Draco said sarcastically.

"Look. A tear." Theo said pointing at the centaur who lay there. The group exchanged a guilty look, Harry took the vial and kept the tears that continued to come out of the poor animal's open eyes. When they had enough, he closed his eyes to rest in peace. Draco wanted to vomit. 

"We should bury him." Hermione said, weakly, grabbing Harry's arm for support. Draco wondered if she was feeling his magic flowing through her too. He thought she was because she kept looking at him suspiciously and unsure of herself. 

"Yes." Harry agreed. "But no magic. Theo, help me with this." Hermione let go of Harry's arm and hold on to a tree. The world was turning around her and something hot was flowing through her. Almost screaming inside of her, in a violent and intense manner. 

Harry and Theodisappeared into the woods, taking the heavy centaur's body to a flat spot. Hermione and Draco were completely alone in the deep silence of the forest, with only the torch lights stuck on the blood-spattered floor. The echoes of the animals and other magical creatures only made them feel more isolated.

"Thank you for saving my life." Hermione said shyly, looking down at the floor. 

"I could not let you die in pain, even if you think I'm a monster." said Draco.

"I never thought you were a monster." Hermione confessed, embarrassed by all this conversation. She must prefer bickering with him about anything.

"Good." Draco merely said. He never wanted _Fucking-Potter_ to show up so much as he did now.

"How did you do it?" She asked. She had to. 

"You're not the only with brains in this school, Granger. I know that shooks you by the kind of people that surronds you." Draco said. He was pushing her and she was not in the mood for it, he knew it. But he had to know if she was feeling any of the magic stings he was feeling. 

"For a moment I forgot you are truly an asshole. Nevermind my question." She just said, angtliy. She did not where that anger was coming from. This was Malfoy. It was not like she expected a truthfull asnwer from him. _Then why she was feeling so angry over this?_

Suddenly they heard a noise and several voices that could not be Harry's and Theo's. Draco felt a sharp pain emanating from his mark and panicked. _It's them._ He knew they were doing missions to the school grounds, making a sort of map to the future attack. The forest was a perfect place to hide, or to collect allies. 

He looked at Hermione and his panic increased. He knew what they would do if they found her. A wave of nausea and fear rushed through his body and without a second thought he gripped Hermione's hand and ran out, ignoring the resistance and the protests of an angry and weak Hermione.

"Malfoy? What the fuck?" she yelled.

It took all of Draco's effort and strength to reach the end of the forest and see Hagrid's cabin. The mark had stopped burning. _Finally, they were safe. They?_ He immediately unclenched Hermione's hand, as if it were burning him.

"Hey! Harry's back there, how are they supposed to know we're back?" Hermione stormed. 

"I don't care. Deal with it." said Draco, walking away.

"What the fuck! Malfoy, what's your problem?" Hermione said, walking too fast, which made her head spin. "Can you fucking wait?"

He hated himself right now. He wanted to do something stupid, impulsive. Shout or hit something. Get out of his mind. He did not recognize himself at this moment, nor could he understand where this worry came from the _stupid know-it-all Granger_ , the girl he hated most in the whole school, and whom he apparently could not get away from all night. _Everything seemed wron_ g, he might have gone mad at last.

"Draco?" Hermione said slowly approaching, as if he were a wounded animal, waiting to be comforted. He wondered how disturbed he must look at the moment for her to call him Draco. 

His eyes widened in amazement. His name sounded so strange out of her mouth. From her lips. Sounded wrong but also comforting, in a natural way. Hermione's scent swiftly invaded him again and he could not think again _. Why her smell was so intoxicating_ _and present all the time?_ He couldn't help the urge that begged him to be closer to her, that was pulling him to her. 

"Look." He said, trying to collect his thoughts. "I heard something, I thought we were in danger and clearly you can hardly walk so I had to bring you with me. It was this or had to justify why I let my classmate die in the middle of a forest on a Friday night. " Draco said so fast, unconscious that he was screaming at her. 

"Fine. Just go on then. "Hermione yelled back. "I will stay here."

"Fine!" Draco shouted again. 

"Fine!". Hermione yelled back, letting all that hot anger that was boiling inside her. It feel nice, just for once, to shout it out.

At that moment, they were closer than they wished, mere meters away and panting with the shouting, tired of this night that seemed not to end. Hermione's face was still contorted with pain, a remnant of the pain of the centaur. Draco felt he was losing control over his life, his emotions, his behaviors. Something that is not like him, since he spent his life pretending not to feel, to behave in the right way, to show nothing of truth, and at this moment, it seemed that everything was ruined because of that damned centaur. _No, because of Voldemort, who was always present,_ behind his head breathing, reminding him through intense and sporadic pains throughout the day that came from his mark. Just like now as he looked desperately at Hermione, who looked as confused and tired as he.

"Are you okay?" Hermione asked, for some motive that it was beyond her reason. _How could she not worry about the boy who saved her life and who is in obvious suffering?_ But even so, even if this was her Gryfindor morals talking out loud, _why can't she just back away from him?_

"'I'm fine. Just leave me be. "Draco said ignoring her and walking away to the castle.

Her head screamed to say nothing, to just let him go away, solve his problems alone, just as he wanted, but there was a part of Hermione who wanted to help what Malfoy was dealing it. As much as she hated to admit it was difficult to separate the hateful and arrogant boy she had always known, who had bullied her years, from the person she had come to know him for the past week. Something clearly troubled him, and he was not the same hateful boy, his behavior change, he was quieter but also mature. And she could not let go of the fact that he was someone who saved her life when he was not obliged to do so, who took away all the suffering and pain that she was feeling when Hermione knew that he was already in pain. She felt his cold hands in her arms, and his breathing quickened when he touched her. Something was going on with him and Hermione needed to solve it. 

"Dumbledore can help you, you know." She said softly, and Draco stopped refusing to face Hermione. "He's reliable _. Whatever it is, it_ _does not have to be this way."_

He did not know what to do _._ _How could she know he was a death eater?_ _Did Potter know too? They knew and everything was at risk._

"I don't know what you're talking about, but you better go to the infirmary. Clearly, that centaur has fucked up your head, more than already is." He said dismissing her and leaving without looking back.


	6. The Calm

"Hermione! For fuck sake. Wake up." Ginny yells into Hermione's ears as she frantically flings her on the bed. "We are going to be late!"

Hermione opened her eyes and cast a dark look on Ginny. "I'm sleeping, go away, you witch."

"Did you just called me a bitch?" Ginny said shocked, bringing her hand to her mouth.

"Perhaps." said Hermione, turning her back on her and clutching her warm and comfortable cushion. "Take Lavender, she never misses a day of shopping."

"You promised, and I'm not to blame if you'd come in so late last night, any hot dates in the library?"

 _Last night._ Hermione sigh, for a few moments she forgot about last night's events, and a pang of pain filled her head. She remembered everything about last night. After finding Harry and Theo and returning, with the company of Harry, to her room, she pondered for a few minutes knocking on Malfoy's door, perhaps to speak, to make sure he was okay or to argue with him. She was not sure but her body wanted to open his door and find him on the other side, probably surprised and angry, but she wanted to see him one last time before that terrible night was over. Hermione did not want to be alone, the horrid sounds of that dying animal were still so fresh in her mind, and she felt emotionally exhausted. Though Harry tried to comfort her with a long hug and a cup of tea, he could not calm the agitation that was boiling in her body and that seemed to propel her into _him_. She felt pathetic, staring at Draco Malfoy's door. She was out of herself and she hated it. To avoid doing anything to regret later, Hermione decided to go to sleep in her old dormitory, in her old bed that still remained unoccupied. _Far from a troublesome boy who was constantly in his head._

"It was a long night ... we needed the tears of a centaur for the assignment."

"They never invite me for anything fun. I'll pretend not to be hurt." Ginny said.

"It was not fun, it was awful. There was something in the forest and we had to shoot down the centaur, who was in agony." She sighed. "Malfoy took him out of his misery." Hermione said rising slowly and sitting on the bed.

"Malfoy? What was he doing there?" asked Ginny.

"He's my partner in Snape's work. He had to be there."

"I'm sorry about that, but you know what it would feel like after a night with Malfoy? Get up and wear something, hopefully, we can get there in time for breakfast."

"I want to sleep and I have a lot to study Ginny."

"Do not be a bitch." Ginny said taking out her sheets. "In five minutes, if I don't see you in the Great Hall, I'll drag you back there young lady. Do not test me. " Ginny said in a tone very similar to her mother, Mrs. Weasley.

"Fine, you vile women." said Hermione, half-laughing, half-serious. _She needed her sleep._

* * *

Hermione wore an old levis wedgie jeans and a gray sweatshirt, her hair caught in a ponytail, letting a few strands hang out gently on the shape of her face. Five minutes later she found Ginny in the Great Hall, whose long tables were filled with smelling food and pleasing to the eye. It smelled of the house from the first moment Hermione crossed the great hall six years ago. Some of the students were already leaving the great hall after a long breakfast on that rainy Saturday morning. Others sat in the warm room, talking to their friends. Next to Ginny, there was Harry and Ron, who talked and ate at the same time. Sitting next to her friends, Hermione briefly stared down at the Slytherin table, looking for a little blond head in the middle of them. Draco did not show up at breakfast.

"Are you better Hermione?" asked Harry, in a worried tone.

"I can not believe you two went into the forbidden forest in the middle of the night without me." Ron said as he poured the scrambled eggs onto his plate. "You could have warned me."

"I say the same." Ginny agreed, drinking orange juice.

Hermione and Harry exchanged an apologetic glance. It had not been a fun adventure, nor a gathering of friends on a Friday night. Both still could smell the terrible smell of the animal at death's door.

"Next time." Hermione said. "Are you going to Hogsmeade with us too?"

"Eh, maybe." said Ron. "But we have training after lunch, right Harry?"

"Shit, I forgot." said Ginny. "Looks like we have to go now, Hermione. Are you boys coming or not?"

Hermione, who had barely touched her breakfast, looked pityingly at her delicious eggs and toast. She finished drinking the orange juice and took the rest of the toast in her hand.

"C'mon Ron." said Harry standing up. "You've had enough."

"What ...?" Ron replied with a mouthful of eggs.

The friends laughed and walked side by side through the doors of the great hall but unfortunately, the moment was interrupted with the arrival of Malfoy and Pansy who remained quite close to Draco's body, whispering something in his ear.

"Oh great, the Big Four, or whatever you guys call each other." sneered Pansy stepping in the middle of their path.

Honestly, Hermione wanted to slap that bitch, but her expression remained calm as she continued to eat the rest of her toast. Some things never get old.

"Careful, that makes you fat." Pansy said, turning directly to her. "Not that anyone wants to touch you in any way, filthy muddlebood."

"That's it." Hermione sent the rest of her toast to the floor and pulled out her wand, thrusting it into Pansy's forehead.

She noticed the small drops of sweat running down Pansy's forehead discreetly. The usual noise of the Great Hall became an uncomfortable silence, everyone expected Hermione to do something.

"Scared, Muddleblood?" Pansy answered back.

Hermione noticed that Malfoy had moved away from Pansy and was walking slowly toward her. Probably to withdraw her wand, in defense of his girlfriend. _Fuck that._ Hermione lowered her wand and smacked Pansy's face hard, and everyone in the Great Hall let out sounds of surprise. Ron whistled and Harry and Ginny laughed and clapped. Pansy was incredulous, her hand covering her red angry face.

"Draco, do something!" she screamed hysterically.

Hermione looked into Draco's eyes which were directly fixed on her, waiting for him to make a move. Scream at her or call her that foul name. His eyes were still the same whirlwind, intense and tempestuous as a summer storm, and Hermione was deeply attracted to them, for some reason. His scent was intoxicating and she remembered immediately how close they were the night before. _A bloody mistake._ Malfoy's lip twitched a little as if he was about to say something, but quickly returned to his serene aristocratic expression. He merely shook Pansy's hand resting it on his arm and continued forward heading for his table ignoring Pansy's hysterical yells behind him.

"Whatever." He said in a low tone, barely noticed.

* * *

"What the hell was that about?" Ginny questioned Hermione for the last hour while they were shopping. The boys had long disappeared, immersed in Quidditch equipment, leaving the girls in the first shop Ginny spotted.

"What?" Hermione asked as she tries red a summer dress that resembles a cherry.

"First, you're the queen of slaps and we all are so very proud of you Hermione Granger. Pansy deserved that one long ago. It was bloody brilliant, Ron's words."

"You're welcome." said Hermione smiling proudly. "I really wanted to eat the rest of that toast though."

"But more importantly Malfoy's reaction. What is happening between you two?"

"Ginny, you're crazy, nothing's happening ever between us. He's Malfoy for fuck sake." Hermione said like it was the most realistic and obvious answer.

"He basically defended you Hermione." Ginny said entering her friend's dressing room. "Nice dress. It makes your butt look nice."

"You're delirious. He did not do that." _Actually, Ginny was right my butt look really nice._

"You bummed into his girlfriend in front of him and he just looks at you and sits down, ignoring Pansy yells. That was some fucked up shit."

"Maybe he has come to the conclusion that his girlfriend is crazy and she deserved that bloody slap. Give him some credit."

"He's acting weird this year, have you noticed?"

"You look like Harry, Ginny. Not everyone is a bloody death eater, some people just are freaking weird and Malfoy was never a regular guy." Hermione said trying to convince herself.

She knew there was something wrong with Malfoy since this year began. It was enough to take one look at him to notice that he had lost his bully attitude or even his energy to laugh or speak with his friends. He seemed constantly tired, but the truth is that everyone was tired, some just hiding better than the others.

"Well, maybe he's right. Something is not right with him." Ginny said. "And you know that perfectly."

"What are you trying to say, Ginny?"

"I saw the way you looked at him Hermione." Ginny said in a friendly tone "You can not deny that something happened between you two."

"Okay, he saved my life last night. I tried to save the centaur and transferred his pain to me which was stupid and Malfoy took it out."

"Did Malfoy save your life? Voluntarily? No one had a wand pointed at his head?" Ginny asked incredulously. "Fuck, It's been a weird year."

"Nothing happened between me and Malfoy." said Hermione stripping off her dress and putting on her sweatshirt. "He remains the same self-centered and prejudiced as he always was. And I'm still just a muddleblood to him. That kind of stuff doesn't go away, _ever_."

"That he saved by choice." Ginny smiled at her. "Something's changing Hermione and you refuse to see it."

"Of course everything's changing, Ginny. We're at war." Hermione said in an aggressive tone as if Ginny were a naive child. She was immediately sorry for the sad expression on Ginny's face. "Sorry, it was just a terrible night and I do not want to talk about Malfoy, I already spend too much time with him doing that potion."

"No problem, Hermine, but I know things are changing every day. Just because you're always with Harry in all your Adventures against You-Know-Who, does not mean that those who stay behind are living in a sea of roses, ignorant of everything that is happening."Ginny answered back with a hint of envy and jealousy in her voice.

"Ginny ..." Hermione tried to comfort her friend but she slipped inside the dresser with a new pair of jeans.

"Forget it. This is silly."

Hermione respected her friend's privacy but could not leave things that way.

"You do not have to worry about me and Harry." she assured her. "And he cares more about you than you think." Hermione smiled knowing that this would arouse the confidence of her friend, who appeared seconds later, through the curtains of the dressing room.

"Yes?" Ginny asked, her eyes twinkling, a silly smile. "I mean, we're friends."

"Trust me, I saw the way he looks at you and gets all nervous around you. That's typical Harry."

"He's kinda nice I guess." Ginny said coming out of the dressing room, smiling.

The two friends continued to demand several shops until they found the perfect pieces that Ginny was looking for. Hermione ended up wearing the cherry-colored summer dress, just because. Far from the boys' conversation, they headed to the Three Broomsticks and each one drank two Butterbeers, unconcerned with their homework, boys, and the constant threat of attack or death _. Typical problems_. Hermione was grateful to have Ginny on her side, she was fierce, funny, and complete in ways Hermione never felt she was. Of course, she loved the boys deeply but there are certain aspects of her life that only Ginny could understand without judgment.

During those minutes, everything seemed peaceful and _right_ , as it should be. But they both shared the feeling that this _was the calm before the storm._


	7. The Storm

Hermione heard an overwhelming and distressing cry coming from outside the Three Broomsticks. The bar was silent, the cups and glasses no longer tinted and the usual loud ambient noise ceased just as the scream broke. Ginny exchanged a nervous look with Hermione, who without thinking twice, jumped out of the chair, spilling her drink to the floor She was the first to walk out the door, followed by Ginny who stood behind for a few seconds paralyzed looking at the drink that was flowing from the table to the floor. After the two witches left there was a low murmur among the guests, who slowly peered out and ventured out.

"He's here?" one of the sorcerers asked softly as if they were under attack.

Hermione and Ginny immediately encountered Ron and Harry, paralyzed, face to face with Katie Bell, with her arms spread out in the air, her mouth open, about to utter another agonizing cry. Her black hair fluttered beside her face, and her eyes were fixed on the nothingness, with a constant expression of horror. After a few seconds, Katie was six feet off the ground, she fell abruptly like a dead weight, her body trembling softly as if she had a seizure.

"Someone help her!" A girl screams behind them.

"Harry, be careful." Hermione said as Harry approached Katie's fallen body.

Hagrid pushed Hermione and Ginny aside as he made his way to the body of the young sorceress. He pushed Harry away with one hand, which wandered back a little.

"Stay back, all of you!" Hagrid grabbed Katie and carried her into his large arms. He exchanged a brief glance with Harry who was staring at the suspiciously blue necklace that lay on the floor, wrapped in what was left of the paper. Everything there screamed cursed object and Hermione thanked God for not having to yell at Harry for trying to get the necklace.

* * *

The four friends were sitting around the fireplace in the common room. A few minutes after returning to the castle, the rain-swept the roads and shuddered in the old windows, startling the students who were more distracted. The time outside matched Katie Bell's agonizing cries, which continued to be heard in the infirmary until she was transferred to St Mungo's hospital the next morning. Hermione cringed when she heard one of Katie's cries and she was not sure if she was actually listening to them or if they were stuck in her head like an old record. Harry was deeply agitated, after demonstrating his suspicions about Draco to Professor McGonagall and Snape, who had obviously misrepresented any of his theories. Harry tried to find support between his two friends, but none of them agreed that Draco had cursed Katie, it seemed impossible to get a cursed necklace alone.

Finally, Harry sat on the couch next to his friends and Ginny slowly approached him, resting his head on Harry's shoulder as he looks obsessively at the fireplace waiting for something, which this time would not come. Even Ron was silent, lost in thought as he stared out at the storm rumbling outside. Hermione was saddened by Katie's pain but most of all by the pessimism that had settled between her group of friends. She wanted to come back desperately for the fun afternoon with her friends in Hogsmeade.

Harry stood up quickly, running his hand through his hair, making him even more unkempt. "I need air, I'll be right back." he said gravely, walking toward the door.

Ginny followed him unblinkingly, clearly, the redhead was extremely worried about Harry and shaken by everything she saw.

Ron exchanged a confused look with Hermione as her best friend and sister left the Common Room.

"What the hell is that about?" he asked Hermione as if she'd stopped all the answers.

"They're friends, Ron. He's probably keeping Harry from doing something crazy." Hermione said, her eyes on the litter.

There was a stifling silence, except the sound of a few branches be eaten alive by the fire or the rain tinkling in the window. All her colleagues were already lying around or hiding around the castle trying to find out more about Katie Bell's case.

Hermione was getting sleepy but Ron seemed more awake than ever and even with his eyes, half-closed Hermione saw Ron approaching her, sitting next to her, extremely close to her.

"So, how are you?" Ron asked in a tone of affection, very unusual for him. "This year has not been easy, working with Malfoy on that stupid homework and ... all this happening."

"Do you think Harry is right about Malfoy?" Hermione asked, straightening at the couch.

"I don't know. I mean, Malfoy is unlikely to be behind this attack ... it's Malfoy, I don't know if he's capable of it."

"To hurt someone?"

"Of performing this kind of curse. He's quite capable of hurting someone." Ron said in a twisted tone "But Harry's right about one thing if he's not a Death Eater now, he's going to be one soon enough."

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked.

"He's going to have to choose a side in the war and we both know he's not going to let his father down because they're the same. Two-piece of shit." Ron spat.

"You're probably right, or maybe he does not want to be on either side." said Hermione thoughtfully. "Maybe he just wants out."

Hermione was always the kind of girl who saw the world in dark and white tones, even in unambiguous and complex actions of certain people. For Hermione, the world was in fact divided between good people and death eaters, she never knew anyone who stood in the middle, someone who would swim against the current and not choose a side. But everything stopped seeming as simple as that, since the death of Sirius and Hermione could understand a little better certain impulses that are in the middle, between right and wrong and that is as real as all others. Malfoy was not a fool for wanting to get away from the war, for not choosing a side. Despite her brave side, and without ever being able to admit to her friends, Hermione would give anything to disappear with her parents, leave this war behind and keep them safe and sound. She also wanted a way out.

"Well, if he does, he's a coward." Ron said seriously. "Did he tell you that, Hermione?"

"What? Ron, it's Malfoy. Do you really think he's going to talk to me about anything?" said Hermione, half laughing.

"You have to be careful with him Hermione ... he can be persuasive with ... the girls." Ron said blushing.

Hermione laughed cheekily in her best friend's face. "Ron, I think I can survive the charm of Draco Malfoy. Besides, he hates me deeply and nothing will change that, remember?"

Ron's expression became seriously somber for a few seconds. "He did not attack you when you hit his girlfriend. He did not even say anything."

"Well, maybe he's fed up with her, is understandable."

"That's not my point, Hermione. This is Malfoy, he would not waste such an opportunity to laugh at any of us."

"I don't want to spend tonight talking about him Ron, please." Hermione said getting up. "I think I'm going to bed, I'm exhausted."

Ron stood up next, keeping close enough to Hermione. His flushed cheeks and his gentle smile said it all. This was the moment that Hermione had both dreamed and wished for years, and that eventually lost its meaning or desire. _It was too late for them._ Before Ron said or did something that would ruin everything, Hermione kissed him on the cheek and practically ran for the door.

The cold and the rain crept inside the castle, despite the temptations to keep the castle warm, there was a chill wind around every corner that Hermione was crossing on the way to her dormitory. Hermione's solitary steps echoed through the stone walls, the cold seemed to cripple inside her bones and she grabbed her hoodie closer to her as her hair practically floats in the wind. She wondered where Ginny and Harry were at this time, but Ginny was sure to take care of him.

Suddenly, Hermione's footsteps were not the only ones to echo, she heard a few more steps that seemed to come after her, swiftly. Hermione pulled her wand from her hoodie and pointed it behind her.

"Lumos." She sighs.

No one insight. Suddenly, a horrible thought crossed his mind. The person who hurt Katie is somewhere in the castle between them and could be behind her right now.

"Hello?" Hermione asked to the dark void. "Who's there?"

Without a response, Hermione continued to pace. It was not long before she got to her bedroom and was safe. As she crossed the corner to her bedroom, Hermione bumped into someone and fell on the icy ground.

"Bloody hell." Draco screamed as the two fell to the ground. Without noticing, Draco grabbed Hermione's arms to appease the fall. " _You._ " he said angrily.

Hermione was shaking from the cold and the adrenaline, she was practically running a few minutes until she got here. _Great, just what I needed._

"What is wrong with you?" Draco asked confused as he looked at Hermione, still on top of him. "You're shaking."

"I heard footsteps and thought someone was following me." she said, looking into Draco's eyes, which seemed a little wet. Clearly, he noticed the attention with which Hermione looked at him and got up, forcing her out of him by stumbling.

"Scared, Granger?" He smirked. "I never thought you would be the scared type of girl."

Hermione muttered under her breath and stood up, wiping away any invisible dust that might be on her winter clothes. Draco had his usual uniform and for a few seconds Hermione wondered what he would wear for Christmas, did he also have one of those hairy, ugly Christmas sweaters? She smiled at this thought but quickly reassembled herself.

Hermione rolled her eyes at Draco and went to the bedroom. Malfoy followed her, still smirking, clearly satisfied with what happened.

The living room window was open and the rain came in full force, wetting the floor. "Fuck." Hermione screamed and ran, trying to close the window and wetting herself though. _Great, I look like a wet poodle._

Hermione came face to face with a Malfoy sitting on the couch, quite pleased with himself and what he had just seen. Draco's relaxed shoulders and his usual smirk gave him the feeling that he was more relaxed than ever, without a single worry in the world _. Clearly, he could not be involved in Katie's accident,_ Hermione thought.

"Comfortable?" Hermione asked trying to tame her wet hair.

"You look miserable." Draco said but Hermione could not help but notice that he did not say it maliciously as usual.

"I'm happy to entertain you." Hermione sat down on the couch, practically dropping down after such a long day. This looked almost like a domestic scene. A very macabre scene. Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger sitting side by side on the couch without trying to kill themselves. _This was some creepy shit_. Hermione would know what would ruin that moment and for some reason avoided talking about the topic hovering over the room. _Katie Bell._

"How's your girlfriend?" Hermione asked smiling, trying really hard not to laugh.

"Pissed off." Draco said as if it was not a big deal. "And she's not my girlfriend."

"Well, tell her that." Hermione said. "And hurry, one day she will try to kill you in your sleep."

"Very funny Granger." Draco said in a mocking tone. "And you should control that temper of yours, maybe someday, someone will kill you in your sleep." Draco said turning his body to Hermione, approaching dangerously. Hermione felt her cheeks flushed, and she thanked everything for being too dark for him to notice.

"My temper is just fine, thank you. Besides, I really wanted to eat the rest of my toast." Hermione grumbled.

Draco smiled and they were silent for a few minutes, just listening to the chaos outside, the wind and rain knocking on the window with the intention of entering. Hermione felt agitated, on the verge of doing something impulsive and stupid like asking if Draco had anything to do with Katie. The silence between them was deadly and they both knew what was going on. But perhaps this moment did not have to end, Hermione longed for this moment to continue just a little longer. She felt a strange comfort near Draco, even when they sit in silence. It was something different, she still did not understand. But this was the boy that mistreated her for years, who made her feel inferior, a piece of shit in every way. Hermione felt stiff and cursed herself for a moment of weakness.

"Did you hear about Katie Bell?" Hermione asked challenging him. She was afraid of the answer.

A moment of silence followed. A calculating silence. "Someone tried to kill her. Everyone at the castle knows that." He said it as if it was the banalest thing.

Draco looked directly into Hermione's eyes. He was expecting something, an accusation perhaps, or that Hermione showed some emotion, maybe anger or repulsion. Draco always kept his posture. Stiff, cold, and determined. His eyes showed no regrets or errors. They were just stormy, hard to read, and hard to forget. Being so close to each other, only illuminated by the distant moon and occasional lightning bolts, the gray of Draco's eyes caused a tumult in Hermione's belly and the explicit challenge in them made her want to do something stupid, that she would leave regret the next morning. Draco stank of alcohol, something that was not characteristic of him. Maybe that's why he seemed so relax even when hell broke loose out there.

"Clean yourself Malfoy. You stink of alcohol." Hermione stepped away from him, looking disgusting. It was intoxicating to be so close to him, either way. But Draco did not back away, his gaze still fixed on Hermione like prey.

"You should tell your friend to stop following me. It's getting tiresome now, and if he does not stop, I'll do something extremely irresponsible." Draco smirked.

"Harry is suspicious of you. Maybe he has a good reason." Hermione said confidently. "Or not?"

Draco merely smiled and approached Hermione's face as if to kiss her and for a moment she froze in time. Draco's lips brushed past Hermione's cheek and stopped in her ear. A shiver ran through Hermione's body and she felt herself losing all control of herself as if she were a spectator of her life.

"You wish, Granger." He said in a sensual, defiant tone.

Draco stood up with a big smile on his face, victorious even, and went to his room. Lightning struck the grounds of Hogwarts and in a matter of seconds the windows shook with the strongest thunder of the night but Hermione did not shudder or look away from the floor. The room seemed colder with Draco's absence but his scent still hung over the air, in Hermione's hair, on her face, on her slightly moist cheek as his lips had quickly touched.

Hermione was right. The calm had passed, this is the storm.


	8. Fawkes

"Is Pansy organizing a party? In the Slytherin Dorm? The world has gone mad." Ron mumbled the next morning as they walked into the Great Hall.

"And we are invited? Are you sure, Harry?" Hermione asked. Pansy could not stand them but right now Hermione was on her blacklist. She felt like prey in the snake's lair.

"That's what Blaise told me." Harry said nonchalantly. In fact, he was excited about this party, it would be a perfect opportunity to find out what was going on with Malfoy and what he was up to, plus his idiot friends.

"Did she go crazy?" Asked Ron. "We can't stand each other. Hermione slapped her the last time she spoke to her." Hermione smiled, still quite proud of her achievement.

Harry looked away to see that they were the only ones coming down the stairs at that moment and whispered to his friends. "It's a perfect opportunity," he said, grinning. "To prove Malfoy is one of them."

Ron and Hermione struggled not to roll their eyes and throw their hands in the air, giving up, which proved extremely difficult for both. Harry, irritated by the indifference of his friends, who made him feel increasingly foolish, began to speed up, leaving them behind. Hermione and Ron followed him calling attention.

"Harry… please wait," said Hermione, which surprisingly caused her best friend to stop the confident walk and face her with a look that was supposed to be threatening if Hermione had not known him since she was eleven. "Count with us. Do you have any plans? " Hermione asked and immediately got a giant smile from Harry.

Hermione had successfully avoided Draco Malfoy over the last few days but unfortunately, her luck would change tonight when she had patrolled with him and they still had to discuss Snape's potion. She still considered saying she was sick and asking someone to replace her tonight, but that would make the arrogant git think he had control and power over her. Hermione had tried everything to forget her last conversation with him but even when she thought she had already forgotten; she was invaded by that memory at the most inappropriate moments. In the middle of classes, walking to classrooms, before falling asleep, upon waking up. Almost all day and she hated herself for it. There had to be a way to forget this… _thing_ that happened. She needed to forget the inappropriate thought that visited her from time to time, that she thought Draco really was going to kiss her, and even worse, _she did not move_ , she did not want to stop what might happen. A part of her wanted him at that moment and that was unforgivable. She did not recognize herself right now and could not tell anyone about this, probably her friends would think she was under the effect of some love potion.

She tried to make excuses to justify her behavior and could only find one: she was a teenage girl of seventeen and could not trust the hormones that made her feel and desire things that were not typical of her. Maybe she could talk to her mother, omitting Malfoy's name of course, but her mother would want to know who the boy was, and it would be an endless headache. For a moment she wished there was some new adventure with Harry and Ron so that she could disappear from the mess she created.

"Hi, Luna." Harry greeted the young witch with some funny glasses sat at their table during breakfast.

"Hi, Harry ... Hello everyone. Did you hear about Pansy's party?" she asked, looking curiously at Hermione.

"Bloody nuts, that's all I say." replied Ron, his mouth full as usual.

"Maybe it's some kind of trap against us, Harry." replied Hermione still a little afraid.

"Maybe, but we can handle them." replied confidently. Hermione liked to see her best friend confident in himself, which did not always happen since his ideas and suspicions were always being overthrown by others.

If Hermione had not been looking at Harry, she might have missed the shy smile that formed on his face when Ginny sat next to Luna.

"Are you talking about the snake party?" said Ginny.

"I heard that even the Hufflepuffs were invited."

"Must be a first time in Hogwarts history." Ron said still knitting a slice of bacon.

"In fact, they have a lot of parties ... they just don't invite the other houses." said Luna, as if it were a curious fact.

"Oh, that's ..." Ginny started, but quickly changed the subject. "Harry, isn't training in a few minutes?"

"Oh shit, it's true. Ron, let's go." Harry stood up abruptly.

Hermione intended to go to the library, read some chapters ahead but curiously it was a beautiful day after last night's storm. Maybe she could read a book on the bench while she saw her friends shouting names that Hermione did not understand and did not care to apprehend.

"Great, I'll go with you too." Hermione said getting up and packing her books.

"Maybe you would join us Hermione." Ginny suggested hopefully.

"Yea, be a little adventurous Hermione." agreed Ron wiping his mouth.

"No thank you. I will be fine with my book." She replied a little panicked because she knew this was her friends' dream and it was a matter of time before they were forced to ride a broom with them.

As they left, Hermione could not resist glancing at the Slytherin table, which chatted and ate happily. Malfoy was not there, which made Hermione more relaxed, but at the same time, she could not delay the inevitable and at night she would be with him.

The sixth floor of Hogwarts was deserted except for Hermione's slow steps. She slowly made sure all the classrooms were locked and there were no midnight walks through the castle. Normally she had finished her rounds forty minutes ago, but today she wanted to enjoy the first night of October without rain or without the freezing breeze in the hallways. On the first day of the rounds, they had decided to split the floors between them so that they could be close to each other as little as possible. Of course, if Professor Minerva discovered this method, she would punish them and give a speech about the importance of unity between the houses, but both made sure they were not caught. Still, they usually found themselves on the same floor and continued the next together in deep silence. Seeing that Malfoy was not on the same floor as her, Hermione decided to climb up to the astronomy tower for just a few minutes and feel the wind against her. The stars were alive and somewhere in the castle professor, Trelawney was cracking the code of the universe or whatever she calls it.

Hermione never believed in such things, hidden messages, a fate written in the stars. She believed in logic, in making rational decisions, and it was impossible to predict the future, but we could calculate various scenarios. That is why it has always been easy to drop divination classes, a lot of bullshit, and a waste of time when you could be studying advanced ruins. But as she stared into the great dark sky, brushed with bright patches and the wind striking her face and pulling her hair back, Hermione felt empty for not believing anything that was not logical or rational. As far as she knew, the war was not rational, it was random and cruel and she did not know how to navigate a world without logic, without any support.

Hermione did not need to turn to know he was there with her. The wind dragged Malfoy's colony and its scent hung over the air, intoxicating her, suddenly her head turned to mist.

"Have you finished your rounds, Malfoy?" Hermione asked bitterly, without turning back.

"Yes, unlike you I didn't spend all night on the same floor."

"Oh, sod off. The sixth floor is a giant one and we both know you don't check if it's all closed." Hermione replied furiously, but still did not turn around. She did not want to look at him, not after last night. But she could feel him slowly approaching her until he leaned against the pillar beside her. Hermione dared to glance at him.

He looked better today, the dark circles under his eyes not so creased, and there was even some color on his face, but his usual arrogant sneer was still there. Unlike Hermione, he was not wearing his robes, just wearing black pants and a slightly creased white shirt, his tie looses instead of tight around his collar. He seemed single-minded and careless, somewhat unusual for his aristocratic attitude, even his blond hair looked unkempt.

"So, your girlfriend is having a party, or is it just a plan to catch us off guard?" Hermione turned completely to Malfoy and prayed that he would not notice that she shivered slightly. _It was just the freaking cold._

"Pansy is in a festive mood, let's say." Malfoy said uninterested looking away from her.

"I bet. If she tries anything against any of us, I swear ..." Hermione started defiantly to him.

"What, Granger? What are you going to do?" Malfoy interrupted her and looked her in the eyes for the first time tonight. _Always the same tumultuous eyes._

"Something irresponsible." Hermione tried to mimic Malfoy's smirk as best she could.

"Is that so?" Malfoy asked approaching Hermione "I don't think you have it on you. Not even to your worse enemies. You are just a little know it witch."

"I intimidate you Malfoy? What you think about a muddleblood be the best in your class?" Hermione pointed out, trying to distance herself a little from him. "I suppose I wasn't foreseen in your stupid pureblood book."

For a moment, Malfoy's grey eyes widened, filled with anger and something else Hermione could not put a finger on it. He closes the tiny gap between them she practically felt his hot breath on her face. She never noticed how much taller he was than her. No doubt Malfoy could be a dangerous man if he uses all the fury in his eyes, yet Hermione was not afraid of him, never had. She hated him deeply, for all that he told her and what made her feel, for making her feel that she did not deserve to be at Hogwarts or have magic.

Malfoy's mischievous smirk faded as he noticed the barely visible scar on her neck that his father had left on her last year in the ministry. He knew who did this and unexpectedly his eyes darkened but not because of her or because he hated her. For some reason, she felt the need to assure him, even if his father was a murderer and a cruel man. Even if this was Draco Malfoy a possible death eater that abominates her.

"A little dispute. I barely felt it." She lied.

Malfoy looked into her eyes and the darkness and anger disappeared softly. Hermione was taken by surprise when he touched her neck, precisely on the scar. Hermione was overtaken by how gentle his hands, not rough or tough just like she always imagines him to be. Unconsciously she closed her eyes and felt the warmth emanating to her own body by this touch. She felt silly with her eyes closed like this and the only logical excuse she could come up with was that... _She was going bloody nuts_ , that is what. She secretly hoped this moment would last if she kept her eyes closed, maybe she could see more of Draco's than what he appeared to be.

She opened her eyes, giving up that fantasy she was holding on to and Draco was looking straight at her, not taking his hand from her neck, and gently began to touch the scar with his thumb, almost marveling at what he was doing. Almost astound by her, by her lightly tanned skin. Hermione could not help but think he was touching something disgusting. _A Muddleblood._

"What are you doing Draco?" Hermione whispered, not trusting her own voice or body.

"I'm sorry." Draco muttered fixing his gaze on Hermione's scar. "For this. For everything." He said softly as if it were a secret.

Hermione could not answer in shock. Draco Malfoy was apologizing for everything he has done to her for the past seven years. The boy that bullied her and made her feel awful was touching her gently and apologizing. Maybe someone put something on her drink, and she was having crazy dreams with the Slytherin boy.

"I ... I don't know what I think, but I no longer believe what I used to believe." Draco said this time looking at her.

"What has changed then?" Hermione gained the courage to speak. Her voice sounded fragile and for a moment she thought she was unable to speak.

Before Draco could respond they were surprised by a small cry of a bird that watching them intently, like a faithful messenger. Hermione recognized it immediately from what Harry had told her when he visited Dumbledore's office, that was his scarlet phoenix. It was indeed a majestic bird and one would expect a sorcerer like Dumbledore to possess something like this. _Oh shit. Dumbledore bird._

"Shit." Hermione muttered lowering her head with the hope that by doing so she would become invisible to the bird. "It's Dumbledore's bird."

Draco took a few steps back, putting some distance between them. Fawkes kept his gaze on the two sorcerers and turned his head slightly to the side, watching them as if they were rare species.

"That thing speaks?" Asked Draco, suspicious of the bird.

"I don't know ..." Hermione said. Finally, the bird decided he had seen enough and flew away, without a care in a word, leaving two scared and pissed-off wizards behind.

Clearly, Malfoy realized what being seen by Dumbledore's bird implied. That stupid creature was going to tell the Old Bat that he saw him with Granger, it’s not as if they were seen arguing like usual and that only raised more questions. Draco was sickened by the possibility that Dumbledore knew something about him, something private, that caught him off guard doing something that he did not even understand. He felt exposed and wanted nothing more than to catch that damn bird and kill it if necessary. Hermione was as shocked as he was because she had not moved yet and was biting one of her nails almost furiously. _Probably thinking of something plan in that big head._ he thought.

"I have to go." Draco said shooting out of the tower door.

"Bye…" Hermione answered, but Draco was already gone slamming the Tower door furiously.

_Fuck. Soon she would receive a letter from Dumbledore, she was sure._


	9. Old Mistakes

Draco's mind wandered over by his darkest thoughts, possible paths to run through to complete his task. It was an impossible task, created for him to fail. He had a job to be done, it _had to be done_ , he said to himself, respectively several times a day had to be done, for his parents, for his life. Draco could feel diving in these thoughts that left him crazy and physically sick. He was far from being the boy in the first year of Hogwarts, so excited, full of life, and confident of his place there. Now he was just a boy with a sick aspect, too pale, too tired, and isolated from his friends.

Most of his days were filled with anxiety, to the point that he was used to feeling agitated, physically ill, and disconnected from everything around him. He did not want to be here, there were days when he did not know if he even wanted to live. These were the bad days, but he also had mediocre days, when his task went better or when Blaise or Theo caught him off guard and made him laugh like he had not done for months like they were not on the line to become death eaters.

And then there were strange days, these were usually spent in Granger's company, whether it was making Snape's potion or patrols. He told himself she was a distraction, something for him to take her mind off and entertain herself with something new, like pissing her off until her face flushed, and her hair becomes even wilder. She was easily irritated, and her morals was practically sacred and untouchable, so it was easy to push her buttons and watch her storm out in anger. Draco convinced himself that it was only those moments he enjoyed with her, but he would only lie to himself if he denied that he did not like the inexplicable sensations she made him feel from time to time. When she was too close to him. Her scent of vanilla. Her big brown eyes, bright and full of life. Their little freckles around the nose. The way she bit her lip when she was focused on one of the potion's steps. It was intoxicating and fucking mental.

The spiral of thoughts was invaded by the shrill voice of Pansy:

"Draco wake up!" Pansy was a mere centimeter away from him. She was quite proud of the party she gathered, still, he could not understand why invite all the houses.

"What?" Draco said annoyed.

"C'mon Draco don't ruin our little party. You used to be a lot more fun." Blaise said.

Draco blinked and looked at his surroundings. For a moment he forgot where he was, completely immersed in his thoughts. He agreed to organize a "small part" with Pansy, which turned out to be huge when she invited everyone, for whatever reason. At least his friends were having a good time, way too much he thought watching Theo going up the stairs to the bedrooms with some Hufflepuff girl.

"And you seemed to be less annoying if that's even possible." Draco dispute back.

"Hello everyone, this is the longest sentence we got from Draco for the past weeks. Damn, our boy is growing." Blaise acted like he was in a reality tv-show and people around him were delirious to hear about "Blaise news".

"He's right Drake. You don't talk to us, not anymore, and you spend all your time Salazar knows where." Pansy said, clearly in a concerned tone. "We missed you."

"Don't get all sentimental on me Pans. You are going to make Blaise cry his eyes out." Draco smirked.

"You bet your ass I am." Blaise hugged Draco. "Drake I missed you, buddy." He said laughing and touching Draco's hair.

"Get out of me you bastard," Draco said struggling to get out of Blaise's hug. "Don't you have some girl to get laid?"

Grudgingly Blaise let Draco go. "I'm waiting for the right girl."

"You can sit down. She doesn't exist, and if there was, I doubt she wants anything to do with you." Draco said ruffling Blaise's perfectly straight hair.

"Don't be mean, Draco." Pansy said, in an almost maternal tone that did not suit her.

"It seems that the Theo won't be alone tonight." Blaise said smiling from ear to ear. "This is kind of depressing. What the hell am I doing here putting up with Draco's depressing bullshit."

"Because you are an idiot." Draco said half smirking.

"I love you too, buddy." Blaise said blowing him a kiss.

"Ew. You two get a room." Pansy said.

"Come here Pansy, we can make room for you. A _ménage à trois_." Blaise said smirking, taking his glass to his lips.

"Who do you think I am?" Pansy put her hands on her waist. "Any of your girls?"

"Of course, not Pans. You are the best of them." Blaise said grabbing her hand and giving her a light kiss.

"Always so dramatic, Blaise." Pansy said hiding a smile. Draco knew she loved attention, after all, who did not like to be seen, to be heard, to be recognized when she made so many efforts to be perfect.

"So, who's going to be the lucky girl in this party?" he said hunting with his gaze across the room. "Where's Daphne?"

Pansy patted his arm aggressively. "Back off Blaise, you already know she and Theo belong together."

Draco laughed sarcastically. "Clearly, that's why Theo went up with another girl. "

"Well. Theo is Theo." Pansy said it was just as good as any.

"Do you know what I think? Marriages between large and noble families are a bunch of horse shit. I do not want to marry my fucking cousin. “Blaise said making a disgusting face.

"What is the other option? Marry a half-blood or worse, a muddleblood?" Pansy laughed cruelly and Draco could not help but cringed remembering the muddlebloods that were killed in his dining room under the order of the Dark Lord.

"I think I have an idea." said Blaise secretly. Draco could have sworn he said that when Ginny Weasley entered the dorm but that seemed odd even for Blaise.

"What the fucked is she doing here?" Pansy almost screamed looking at Hermione. "That fucking bitch, how dare she." She stepped forward but was stopped by Draco that grabbed her arm.

"Don't make a fucking scene. I thought you wanted unity." Draco said smirking, with his hand in her waist trying to stop her from moving forward.

"I want to take that bitch's head off, that's what I want." Pansy said infuriated.

"Easy there Pans. We can ask her gently to get out." Blaise said and Draco immediately looked at him dangerously. Blaise just smirked at him curiously.

"What's wrong, Drake?" He asked. "Do you want Granger all for yourself?"

"Yea, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Pansy asked him loudly. Draco grabbed her by the arm to keep her big mouth in control and guided her to a more hidden room in the dormitory.

"Do you want that disgusting muddleblood? Is that it Draco? Have you grown soft for her?"

Draco rolled his eyes. "Do not offense me like that Pansy. I just can't afford to get in detention because you beat the shit out of the favorite student of that old bat." Draco said disgusting.

"Do you really think that I could win that muddleblood?" Pansy asked smiling.

 _No way, not even in another world._ "Of course." Draco lied.

Pansy smiled and approached him, whispering something in his ear. "Do you want to get out of here? Like the old times?".

Pansy was the perfect solution. Draco had known she had been in love with him for years, and for a while, Draco thought he might love her back. She came from a wealthy and pureblood family, his father approved her, and besides Pansy knew him and the world he was born into. For a moment he really tried to give them a chance, but he never felt more than just friendship for the witch, and she deserved someone that saw her and valued her and that was not him. Since the Dark Lord gave him this dreadful task everything changed, and he found himself looking for comfort in Pansy's arms. Sometimes he hated himself even more after spending the night with her, for making her believe there was a chance between them. Mostly he just wanted to feel normal, to end with the endless disconnect he felt with everyone, just numb the shallow static that was tuned in his brain. Besides Pansy was always there for him, even when he pushed her far away. She was there, lonely and in love with him. She knew he did not love her because he never stayed the night with her or hug her or made romantic things as she imagined him to do. Perhaps he was not capable of love or to feel anything besides pity for himself and rage.

 _But not tonight._ "Maybe later. Blaise is doing something crazy tonight." Draco touched Pansy's shoulder in a way that should calm her down from tearing Granger's head. She nodded and he left her behind, joining Blaise's crazy search for some chick to shag tonight.

Now that Pansy was not an imminent problem, Draco properly saw Granger in the middle of the room, dancing happily with Ginny. This did not seem like her comfortable place and probably was the weasel witch that convinced her, but fuck, she looked _beautiful tonight,_ with the red dress, and only a fool would deny. She looked so strong and confident, unaware of what was going on outside, unaware that she was unwanted, and her head was in the kill list of Voldemort's order. Oblivious to the fact that her kind was dying, family after family. Maybe this was a distraction for her, just as she is for him.

Sometimes he heard his father rough voice when looking at her. _Disgusting muddleblood_. His father's voices were still singing in the walls of his skull and sometimes he pondered on smacking his head against a wall. He never did so but it was a nice thought to ponder on. He hated him, more than he hated anything. He hated how weak he was, how incapable he was of protecting his family, just a puppet on Voldemort's hands. Just like himself. He hated every part of him that reminds him of his father, the arrogance, the cruelty, the hatred.

He blamed this part of him when he snapped watching Granger and Potter dancing happily, like two persons in love, carefree of the world. He wanted to punch that stupid face of Potter's, for always having everything, for being on the right side of the war. For having her in his arms, for have her unconditional support all the time. Granger seemed happy, spinning around, and laughing out loud like no one was watching. _Fuck it, since when he wanted her? Of all the girls, Granger._

Draco grabbed Pansy's waist and whispered in her ear: "Missing the old times?" He could not see her face, but he knew she smiled. She nodded and said something to Daphne. They headed upstairs, to his dormitory that was empty for Salazar's sake. Draco knew that this was a mistake, but everything seemed wrong lately.

She kissed him like she was aching for him, for his touch and lips. "I missed you Draco." Pansy said on his lips. He knew she did, and he was afraid she was going to say that she loved him and beg for something in return that he would never give. He could not say anything or look in her eyes. He just kissed her very hard, just trying to get something out of her but he did not know what.

Pansy took off his pants and boxers and began to pleasure him. Her eyes were filled with lust for him and Draco almost felt sick, but that feeling disappeared when she touches him as she knew how. First with her hand and then with her mouth. Feeling his head spin around, Draco vaguely thought that he should have closed the door when he heard the old floor squeak like it always did when someone stepped in that part.

Draco immediately looked at the door, lightly touching Pansy's head to stop what she was doing. Although she tried to escape as quickly and secretly as possible, Draco exchanged glances with Granger who was at the door, her jaw dropped and rather flushed. That would have made Draco a little proud or pleased with himself if it were not for the strange feeling in his stomach that told him that she, of all people, was not supposed to see this. Him, like this, with _another girl._

"Pansy stop. Someone saw us." Draco said, pulling up his boxers and putting on his pants that were lying on the floor.

"Who?" She asked looking at the door, confused. "That never stopped us before." She smiled, trying to touch him a little bit more.

"Not now Pansy." Draco stepped away from her roughly and hurried down to the common room. She followed him, saying something behind his back that he did not listen. She took a few steps ahead and tried to grab his hand. "Draco."

"This was a fucking mistake and will never happen again." Draco said looking straight to her gloomy eyes. "Take care."

"Fine!" Pansy screamed, making everyone around look at her. "Fuck off then!" She grabbed a bottle of wine and headed upstairs again, leaving the crowd to gossip and laugh a little about her.


	10. Blood

Hermione agreed to meet Harry and Ron near the lake, where they would have more privacy. In fact, it was just Harry's growing paranoia that asked them to go to an isolated spot away from Malfoy. Hermione was walking toward the lake, regretting agreeing to meet her friends here, since she was wearing a sundress in midsummer and this was undoubtedly a cold, windy night. Her legs trembled slightly, and Hermione told herself it was just cold and not what she had just observed in the boys' dorm. _It could not be._ She might not have had much experience with guys, like most of her friends, but she was not a prude on these issues. She was unaware of her whole body, just never had a close relationship with anyone, maybe it was stupid of her to be guarding this small part of herself, but it was not even because she was looking for the perfect boy with whom she would lose her virginity on a romantic night, she had simply never loved anyone that much.

Still, why were you so upset or shocked to see Malfoy and Pansy in that way? It was no secret that they had a relationship, and Hermione suspected it was also sexual. But it was one thing to be suspicious, another to watch, with your own eyes. _Him._ Hermione felt her face growing redder and a burning sensation seemed to ripple through her from top to bottom.

"Get it together Hermione." she whispered to herself stumbling on her feet, clearly, she had drunk too much. _Damn it, Ginny._

The night was pitch dark; she could barely see anything. The mist covered the floor of Hogwarts, even Hagrid's hut was not known in the middle of this white and grey cloud, which tormented Hermione's thin and icy legs. Her head was throbbing, and her heartbeat echoed off the walls of her head. She felt dizzy but continued to walk towards the lake and her friends. Harry would be disappointed when he knew that she could not find out anything about Draco unless Pansy did blow jobs on him regularly.

 _Asshole_ , Hermione said out loud. And at that moment, she could have sworn she heard a branch behind her being crushed. Hermione turned quickly to the point of feeling dizzy again. It was impossible to see anything in that fog and she was genuinely scared.

"Mione?" Ron said, appearing in the fog. Hermione immediately smiled in relief at being him.

"Ron, I thought that you were someone else." Hermione said. "Have you seen Harry yet?"

"I came to look for you, Harry started to be suspicious because you haven't arrived yet." said Ron, a little flushed. Hermione remembered the conversation they had had hours ago and suddenly wished it were not Ron who was here.

"Mione '..." Ron said hesitantly and breathlessly. "I thought you wanted this as I do."

_Not now. I'm pissed off drunk._

"Ron, I don't feel really good right now. Can we talk about it later?" She said covering herself with her arms. She was freezing. Ron noticed that and gave her his robes he was wearing.

"Here." He said placing the cloak on her shoulders. Hermione smiled. Ron was an attentive and genuinely good guy, Hermione knew that she always did. And maybe it was this comfortable side that made her approach him and even let herself fall in love with him. Ron was a good choice. _Safe._ Even when the differences between them came on the scene and it seemed impossible to be in the same room breathing the same air. Hermione let herself sink into Ron's eyes. Sweet, caring, and in love with her. There was nothing to indicate an explosion of them, Ron was not a time bomb about to explode, he did not predict a storm, nor a whirlwind of feelings in combat. _Definitely very different from Malfoy's._

"Are you okay Mione? I thought I lost you there." Ron said smiling.

"What? I'm sorry." Hermione said coming back to reality.

"Let's go find Harry before he goes to Dumbledore for thinking we disappeared. "Ron said holding out his hand for her to grab. Hermione looked at his puppy and pleading eyes and to her, it felt like he the strangest person in the world, like _he was not her best friend._ Like she did not want him, after years of pining over him.

 _Ron was a good guy. He really was and he cared for her._ Hermione said to herself and grabbed his hand, walking by his side.

Hermione's bed in the girls' dormitory in the Gryffindor tower was still intact, as were some of the things she decided to leave there, like her favorite red and gold pajamas, some books from her childhood and an image of her, from Ron and Harry's second year in Hogwarts. A part of her felt nostalgic for this period, and if she left some things there, maybe she could always go back there and nothing would have changed, like a clause in time. Besides, today was the perfect night to go back to sleep in her old and comfortable bed, to avoid meeting Draco in the room they both shared, although Hermione did not think he would be sleeping there tonight.

She could not sleep without letting her head drift to the same thoughts about Malfoy. It seemed a kind of torture, to keep coming back to that image, to that moment. He did not look furious or shameful, perhaps a little surprised to see her there, but he had no intention of covering himself or shouting for her to close the door. Oh god, how would she look Malfoy in the face on Monday, knowing she saw ... _everything_. How would she look him in the eyes from now on?

She omitted this detail when she spoke to Harry and Ron about the failed mission to find Malfoy's dark secrets. Harry was a little furious, but he was already thinking about a new mission to catch Malfoy, whose details Hermione admits not having been paying much attention to. She was sure she was getting sick after spending the night in the cold, or else, she had her first hangover. In any case, she felt like death itself and did not plan on getting out of bed all weekend, until she felt better until she forgot what she saw in Malfoy's dorm. Maybe she could tell Ginny about it, but she was going to ask uncomfortable questions that Hermione didn't want to relive or think about. Hermione looked at Ginny's bed, which was intact. Clearly, someone was having fun tonight. Looking at Ginny's spotless bed, Hermione felt a bit of guilt for not telling Ginny what was going on and just disappearing when both were having so much fun. She felt like a bad friend to her, when Ginny was nothing but lovely to her for the past years, especially during this summer, after Sirius's death. Maybe tomorrow she could go to breakfast with Ginny, outside of Hogwarts, and away from the guys who just got her in trouble, headaches, and almost hypothermia.

Hermione woke up with the first ray of sunlight that went through the window directly to her pillow, practically blinding her. A few seconds later, Ginny snuck in, sneakers in hand, and directly to the bed next to Hermione's.

"Hey." Hermione said raising her head, rubbing her eyes.

Ginny merely looked at her and started to undress her dress, putting on comfortable pajamas instead.

"You look like absolute shit." Ginny said lying down, looking towards the ceiling.

"Well, I think it's appropriate because that's how I feel." Ginny did not answer her and turned to the side so that her back was to Hermione. "Gin. I'm sorry about last night, Harry had this crazy plan and ..."

Ginny turned sharply towards Hermione. "He always has a crazy plan and you're always going to run towards him. If the _Chosen One_ asks for something, Hermione Granger will run, leaving everything behind, right?".

"What? He is my best friend Ginny. Why are you so fucking jealous all the time?" Hermione said and immediately regretted it by looking at the young witch's face, full of disappointment.

"And you are my best friend and I just wanted to not be left behind by you all the fucking time. You are so selfish, Hermione. You wear that mask that you are helping to save the world with Harry but deep down you just like the attention people give you, like Ron and Harry" Ginny said, with her face getting fully red. _Just like her brother_. "And you know what? You have to make your mind, Ron is in love with you and you know it, you can't just give him false hopes when you clearly not fancy him anymore."

Hermione felt her throat close in on herself and for a moment she held her breath. After what seemed like an eternity of counting her breath, she grabbed her robe and ran out of the dorm, without even realizing she was bare feet until she cut herself on some glass on the stairs.

"Fuck!" She screamed, echoing in the hall of stairs. _She was bloody alone anyways_. Stumbling she sat down on the stair, not even bothering with the blood that was on the floor because of her. She did not know what she was doing or what she was feeling, everything just seemed kind… _lost._

"Granger?" Malfoy asked behind her. She turned around, her cheeks full of tears and with her big red eyes from crying, not even bothering that her enemy was seeing her like that. She was bloody exhausted.

"What?" she asked turning around, avoiding his hard stare.

"You are bleeding." Malfoy simply stated. Hermione could notice that the blood was making me even paler than he already was, she never thought that Malfoy was the squeamish type.

"What are you doing here Malfoy?" She was not in the mood to deal with him right now.

"Did you hurt yourself on purpose?" He asked, with certain worry in his voice that Hermione could not help to notice. She looked at him and he looked genuinely terrified of her right now.

"No, I left the dorm without my shoes and I just cut myself on some stupid glass." She said.

"Well, why you don't clean it? You are messing everything up." Hermione looked at herself and he was right. Besides the floor that was stained with her feet print, she managed to get some blood on her hands and legs, which were somehow exposed, since she did not put her robe on. _Great, she was in her nightclothes in front of Malfoy._

Before she could say anything, Malfoy stepped in front of her and cleaned all the blood that was on the floor, and then he grabbed her feet carefully and cast a spell to heal her wounded feet. In the process, Hermione just looked at him, completely shocked when he touched her so _easily like she was… one of them_. Like he has not spent the last couple of years calling her unworthy and dirty. _Dirty blood._ Hermione felt her temper rise with those ugly and painful memories and got up, picking her robes, and getting dressed rapidly, but still with blood in her hands.

"You still have some blood on you." Malfoy said looking at her hands, quite perplexed with them.

"Muddle blood you mean?" Hermione slapped at him. She could not keep with this charade. "What are you doing Malfoy? You called me those names and things for seven years on the row, you fucking hate me. And now you are cleaning up my mess…and…being like that." Malfoy just stared at her, waiting for something. "I don't understand and I'm fucking tired of all of this…thing."

"I told you. I don't know what I believe anymore." Malfoy said like he was angry at himself and at her, for making him confessed that.

"Why? You hated me Malfoy, you practically wanted me dead."

"I never wanted you dead, you idiot. I am not a monster. And I don't need to give you any explications about what I'm thinking about." Draco said defensively.

"So, what, I'm supposed to believe that you changed out of the blue? Is that what you want, to make me let my guard down?" Hermione asked.

"I don't want anything from you Granger." Draco remarked, his lips twisting into a venomous half-smile.

"Is that so Malfoy?" She took a step closer, now facing his face that was a mere inch away. "Why did you help me then? Now and the other night with that creature?"

"Why do you have to question everything on that brains of yours? Don't you get tired of overthinking everything? You're so damn frigid." Draco said angrily.

"Oh, I'm sorry, do you expect to be more like your girlfriend? Sucking some boy dick in the middle of a party with the door open?" Hermione snapped, feeling her cheeks heating up. _Why did I say that?_

Draco smirked at her, getting even closer if that was possible. "Is this all about last night Granger? You jealous?"

"Don't be fucking ridiculous Malfoy. Everybody knows about your adventures and I feel sorry for Pansy because clearly you don't love her a bit and that just makes you a coward."

"Don't you dare call me that." Draco said dangerously.

"Or what? What are you going to do Malfoy? Hurt me?" Hermione asked provocatively. Seriously, she didn't know why she was acting this way, but he just turns her insides on fire.

Hermione just looked at Draco, waiting for something, which she had longed deeply, for some time now, like a shameful and painful feeling lurking in her depths. Malfoy approached this time slowly, watching her breath catch in her throat. His eyes hovered over Hermione's lips and then at her tears that seemed to have crystallized on her pink cheeks.

"Why were you crying?" He asked as if he had forgotten why he approached her.

"Just feeling a bad friend and ... lost." Hermione said sincerely. There was no need to lie to Malfoy, not now anyway.

Draco shook his head as if he understood what she was going through. And to Hermione's surprise, he took her bloody hand and grabbed it, intertwining his with hers.

"I'm not my father. I never truly was but I wanted to be, but now ... I just can't stand all the deaths and the blood." Draco confessed. _What deaths?_ Hermione wondered but she knew he would not tell her.

"Things don't need to be this way Draco." She said looking at their hands intertwined. It was a strange and unlikely sight, but it also felt right and calming. Like something solid in the middle of the chaos.

Draco also seemed to be fixated on their hands, perhaps confused, and surprised by his behavior but he had no intention of letting her go. _Just a little more time. Something he did not have._

"I can help you Draco. Dumbledore can. Whatever you got yourself on, we can get you out." Hermione said grabbing his hand tighter. Draco smiled at her, genuinely.

"I wish that was true Granger." He simply said.

Before Hermione could say anything else, Neville got through the Gryffindor door and walked into the middle of their conversation. His eyes looked immediately at their hands together and Hermione let go of Draco's hand.

"Neville." She said embarrassed.

"Hermione… Are you hurt? Did he hurt you?" Neville said defensively looking at Draco.

"No, Neville, I'm fine." Hermione said, she looked at her side to see Draco still standing right there, with an annoyed expression.

"Okay… this is… crazy." Neville said looking at them, trying hard not to laugh. "I'm going for breakfast Hermione. Do you want to join me?"

"Yea, I will be there in a bit. I just need to dress something." She said covering herself once more.

Neville smiled and simply waved, a suspicious gleam in his eyes as he passed Draco.

"Malfoy." He said, acknowledging his presence.

"Longbottom." Draco nodded nonchalantly.

Hermione looked at them both surprised and confused. "What? No one is going to try to take anyone's head off?" Hermione asked Draco incredulously when Neville was gone.

Draco laughed lightly. "No, Granger. Actually, I helped Longbottom with something a couple of months ago."

"The world has gone mad indeed." Hermione said. "Well, I better go. And clean me up. I'm sorry about ... the mess."

"No problems. See you in patrols tonight?" Draco said, looking once again at eyes like he was searching for something.

"Yea. See you, _Draco._ " She said purposefully with a triumph smile on her face. Draco smirked at her and left, not once cleaning his bloodied hand, _with her blood_. Her dirty blood that he did not care about anymore. Hermione smiled and opened the door.


	11. Breakfast

The great hall was practically deserted this Saturday morning, which was unusual on weekends, especially when it was almost eleven in the morning. Hermione noticed that there were only a few Hufflepuff and Ravenclaws on their tables, but otherwise, the rest were practically empty, which worried Professor McGonagall, who was having breakfast with raised eyebrows, ready to lecture all of them. Hermione avoided the teacher's gaze, who certainly would ask her what was going on Hermione's horrible lying skills would put half of the school in detention for being hungover.

"Hey, Hermione." Neville nodded to her, the only one at the Gryffindor table, eating toast with eggs while reading the newspaper. As far as Hermione could remember, from her shameful dance with Ginny, Neville was beside them, as drunk as they were, but here he was, rested, without dark circles and ready to receive a new day.

"Hello, Neville". She said sitting across from him. There was a silence between them, clearly due to what he saw just half-hour ago. Hermione was hoping that Neville would simply forget and not mention it to others, especially Harry and Ron.

"It seems that not everyone can contain their liquor," Neville said smiling, putting down the newspaper to look at Hermione. "Wow, you don't look very good Hermione." She was painfully aware of that. This morning was impossible to tame her wild hair, which seemed to have drunk residue and smell on it but curiously she does not remember anyone spilling anything on top of her. She basically gave up on looking presentable today, so she dressed in some Levi's and an old sweater that had Simon & Garfunkel stamped on with. This was his dad, that gave her so she would not forget the great and wonderful muggle bands out there. Also, he gave it to her after hearing some songs that jammed in the wizard community, and of course, he was scandalized after hearing some pour lyric's about veelas getting in your panties.

"Maybe I drank a little too much." Hermione recognized it while biting toast and robbing the temples of her head that were killing her.

"So… Hermione, what's the deal with you and Malfoy?" Neville blurted out looking unpreoccupied, taking a slip on a cup of tea while Hermione almost choked on her toast.

"What? There's no deal between me and _Malfoy."_ Hermione said practically spitting out his name as unpleasantly as she could manage but quite failing.

Neville nodded at her with a big smile on his face. "I saw you two holding hands. Did you lose your balance and Malfoy was simply there?"

"I hurt my feet and he helped with that. I'm hangover Neville and my brain is painfully asleep, I'm not in my best shape right now. That's what happened."

Like in some twisted way of destiny Malfoy entered the hall, puzzled by the empty room as well. Hermione noticed that the teacher raised her eyebrows even more and was already prepared to get up to talk to him, but Malfoy noticed this and turned around. Neville looked at Hermione like he was daring her to do something or not do anything, she wasn't quite sure, but it seemed loud. He waved at Draco and called him.

"What the fuck Neville?" Hermione said in a rusty and low voice. To her surprise, Malfoy went to them, looking as suspicious as Hermione, who buried her face in the newspaper, pretending to read about some weird plant. _Great, I look like vomit and he is here._

"Good morning Malfoy. Do you mind joining us for some breakfast?" Neville asked politely, with a huge smile on his face.

"What?" Hermione and Draco asked at the same time.

"Watch your manners Mione' '" Neville said and Hermione made a disgusted face. She hated that name. "It doesn't look like anyone is going to get out of their beds today, at least not in the morning. And if we team up McGonagall won't surround each one of us alone and question until one of us surrenders."

Malfoy seemed to be struggling internally with what to do but a glowing look at Mcgonagall and the answer was clear.

"Fine then." He said sitting next to Neville, who seemed too amused for Hermione's taste.

"Great." said Neville, handing a bit of toast to Malfoy, who reluctantly grabbed it. "And don't mind Hermione she's so hungover." he said quietly. Malfoy looked at Hermione, who was practically bent over the table, preventing him from looking at her too much. Still, Malfoy half-smiled at her.

"Well, she was having a lot of fun last night, weren't you _Granger_?" He said, emphasizing her name. "I didn't know you could dance."

Hermione's cheeks lit up in anger and embarrassment. "Oh, sod off, both of you." she said muttering to her toast. Neville and Malfoy just smiled proudly.

This morning undoubtedly enters the list of strangest moments so far. Of all the possible scenarios, Hermione never thought she would have breakfast, on a Saturday morning with Neville and Draco Malfoy, sitting side by side, sharing jokes without threatening each other. Hermione watched them while they talked about some obscure plant that Draco read about in a black magic book that was in the mansion. Draco seemed strangely relaxed this morning and to Hermione's admiration and satisfaction, he ate his breakfast calmly, instead of taking a toast and leaving, as was usual most mornings. And he was sitting _here,_ in the table of the enemy.

"I think it's called the _Exitialis Colletis._ I heard that when the toxins are inhaled, it causes anyone who breathes them to confess all of their secrets, even erased ones, while they die a slow and surely painful death." Neville said, almost reciting from a textbook. "It seems that the more secrets you have, the longer and more painful t becomes." Malfoy cringed at that thought.

"That's horrifying." Hermione said. "How do you know that stuff Neville?" Malfoy and Neville extended a prolonged look.

"What? Are you two girlfriends or something?" Hermione said playfully, watching Malfoy's face lit up with anger. She raised her eyebrow in a cocky way.

Neville coughed, obviously, he did not want to tell her how he knew that. "By the way, Hermione, do you have something to tell me?" Neville asked. Malfoy raised an eyebrow and just looked at her. _Smug ass_ , she thought.

"I don't think so." She said while continuing to chew nervously. There was a lot about last night that Hermione did not want to talk about or… _remember_. She glanced briefly at Malfoy.

"I talked to Ron last night, in the party. He said he was going to talk to you about something. And we both know what that is." Neville said. Hermione gave Neville a stitch under the table. _What was his bloody idea?_ Malfoy kept a hard stare on her, waiting for something.

She sighed and looked at Malfoy. "Yes, he talked to me." Hermione confessed.

"So? What did you say?" Neville asked curiously, looking sideways at Draco that kept his stare at her, but still controlled and measured like everything else he did.

"I said I was pissed off drunk. Whatever it is, he must have already forgotten." said Hermione. _That was a lie, of course._

Before Neville opened his mouth to dig an even bigger grave for Hermione to bury herself on, Dumbledore entered the great hall, as majestically as ever, and went to their table. Hermione and Malfoy immediately exchanged nervous looks. _That stupid bird._

"Hello Miss Granger, Mister Malfoy." he said first, looking at them both suspiciously. "Oh, Mister Longbottom. Nice to see you all in this beautiful morning. Do you know why all your classmates are not here?" He asked with a spark in his eye. _Of course, he knew._

"No sir." They all said with their heads down.

"Curious. Well, I better get going, I'm starving." he said smiling "Miss Granger." He handed her a letter. "I think this belongs to you. I hope you understand." He said, looking her at the eye. "Have a nice day."

"Fuck." Hermione whispered, seeing the letter perfectly sealed.

"What is that?" Neville asked glancing at her hands that were trembling slightly.

"Nothing. I have to go." Hermione dashed off the table, without a mere look at the two boys. Neville noticed that Draco followed her with his eyes until she left the great hall.

"what was that about?" He asked Neville bluntly.

"I don't know. Hermione never received a letter this year." Neville said.

"Never? What about her parents?" Draco asked.

"I don't know Malfoy, she doesn't talk too much with us about some stuff, especially her parents." Neville admitted, finishing his toast. "You know, since Sirius' death and the return of You-Know-Who, she has closed a bit. I think that somehow we are all more cautious, even around our friends."

Malfoy nodded, looking at the place Granger was just a few minutes ago. This was without any doubt the strangest breakfast he ever had. Well, second strangest breakfast, comparing the one he had during summer break with the Dark Lord, his crazy aunt, and his parents. That was more awkward than eating with Granger and Neville.

After a few minutes of finishing his food in silence, he said goodbye to Neville and walk out before anyone else saw them, especially anyone of his friends. A part of him was curious about that letter that Granger receives which clearly made her so upset. But mostly he was surprised she did not share that much with her friends, he always thought they shared everything while doing their hair together and singing songs about being good and the happiness that existed in the world. _Fine,_ maybe this was hate and prejudice between houses that runs too deep to cut down, but he thought that it may exist some truth in that. Maybe he could ask her about it during patrols but only because he was curious, about what secrets that head of hers could keep not because he worried about her. _No fucking way._

Malfoy sighed and entered the Room of Requirements. _Another day._

"No way!" Hermione said out loud laughing. "I would know if Neville was…you know!".

"Playing for the other team?" Draco winked his eyes at her.

"Please I know him since he was eleven, I would know if he liked other guys!" Hermione said all righteous.

"Maybe you are not that insightful as you think you are." Draco smirked.

"I think you are messing with me and I will see the end of this." She said with her hands on her hips. _Definitely not threatening_ , Draco thought.

"Suit yourself. I will be waiting for a "you're so bloody right… all the time, amazing." Draco said imitating Granger's voice, with one hand in his chest.

"Bloody bastard!" Hermione laughed while trying to hit his shoulder and failing for a few inches.

The fleeting autumn heat during the day quickly disappeared as the sun went down. An icy cold drifted through the night, running around the steps of Hermione and Draco who did the usual patrols, but this time they both silently agreed to keep each other company. Hermione was still a little hungover but after a suspicious miracle recipe made by Winky, the eminent headache eased to the point where she was able to keep her eyes open.

"So, are you going to tell me what's the deal between you and Neville?" Hermione asked, walking side by side with Malfoy on the fourth floor.

"Didn't they ever tell you that curiosity killed the cat, Granger?"

"Well ... I'm not a cat." Hermione said, crossing her shoulders. "This time at least." She whispered to herself.

"Let's just say that I met Neville during the summer break and we both helped each other."

"Oh god, did you two gave hand jobs to each other?" Hermione asked slightly shocked.

"What? For Salazar's sake, I'm not that type Granger." Draco said with an offensive expression, which made Hermione laugh, imagining Draco and Neville holding hands. _Definitely not._ And Draco was right, she knew what his type was ... unfortunately.

"I know what you're thinking about in that big head of yours." said Draco stopping suddenly and coming face to face with Hermione.

"Is that so?" Hermione replied, trying to contain any kind of nervousness. She knew where this conversation was going to lead.

"About last night." Draco said as if nothing much had happened.

"If you are going to say that I'm jealous of you and Pansy I swear I will throw you out the window, Malfoy." Hermione said crossing her arms.

"Okay, don't get all tough on me Granger." He said "I just wanted to say that you shouldn't have seen that I should have checked that the door was locked. It was my mistake."

"Is that all?" Hermione asked.

 _No,_ he thought.

"Yes, pretty much. I just didn't want my dick to haunt you forever." He said smirking. "Only if you wanted, of course."

"Sod off!" This time Hermione managed to hit him on the shoulder, maybe a little too harshly to the point she was practically embracing him.

Hermione felt the whirlwind that always comes when she gets too close to Draco. Perhaps it was not a whirlwind, but some kind of hurricane that took away any kind of rationality and judgment.

"Do you want to tell me what that letter was you received this morning?" Draco asked, maintaining his proximity.

Hermione moved away immediately, feeling the cold around her once more. "That was nothing. Just a letter."

"Delivered by Dumbledore himself? C'mon Granger, I'm not one of your friends, I'm not stupid." Draco said defensively.

"Don't get me wrong Malfoy but how do I know I can trust you?" Hermione said honestly. "Just because you don't call me names anymore and we ate breakfast together this morning?"

"And a lot more." Draco said simply. "I saved your life Granger, that night in the forest."

"You did. So what? Are we buddies now? Friends?" Hermione asked.

"We tolerate each other." Draco smirked. "When you are not being a pain in my ass."

Hermione could not help but smile back. _Idiot_. "Well, I already saw your dick so." Hermione played and Draco laughed at her, quite surprised. Seriously, she did not know what was about Malfoy that always made her said all the things that passed her mind, without overanalyzing every single bit.

She tensed a bit and Malfoy sensed that and got a little bit closer. "I was just playing Granger. You don't have to tell me anything." Hermione looked at his eyes, maybe searching for something untruthful and dangerous about him, maybe some red flag that he was still the same arrogant asshole but she didn't find anything.

"During the summer, Dumbledore came to visit me and warned me that my parents would be at risk, because of me, sooner or later, and that would be inevitable." Hermione took a deep breath and continued. "I already knew that. I just thought I had more time. Anyways, the director thought I should go back to Hogwarts and to ensure their safety, before it was too late, he thought it was better for me to cut off any contact with them. Basically, stop writing any letters during the year, in case someone catches them and somehow finds out where they are living." Hermione tried to control her tears and fear that was always lurking behind her. "I agreed but they are my parents, so I messed up."

Draco touched her shoulder gently, letting his hand stay there for a few minutes, in a hesitant way. "What did you say to your parents?"

"I said it was a new order from Hogwarts. They were suspicious and I ended up sending a few letters, just one a month until Dumbledore found out." She said, letting herself be angry for the first time.

"I'm really sorry Granger." Draco said and she knew he meant it and even somehow understood it. 

Without thinking twice, Hermione rested her head on Malfoy's chest. He smelled like old books, pine, and something she couldn't put her finger on it. He felt like a rock, a solid place where she could rest just for a few seconds. An imperfect place that made no sense, but these were imperfect and irrational times, it was a time of war and nobody knew who was going to come out alive or not. Given that, getting close to Malfoy was not the most dramatic thing that would happen.

"C'mon, it's bloody freezing in here," Malfoy said after a while of letting her rest on his chest and of him touching gently, in an awkward and inexperienced way on her back. Hermione nodded and when she was ready to distance herself from him, Malfoy took off his cloak to give it to her. "It's bloody autumn, you shouldn't be leaving without your cloak. Do you want to be sick?"

Hermione just smiled at him and pulled his cloak tighter to her, absorbing all the warmth and _his smell._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make a honerable mention to the reference to the name of the plant that appears on the wonderful fanfiction of Lena Phoria "Cruel and Beautiful World" that I'm now binging! Xx


	12. Closer

_Draco watched his father, in his permanent state of indifference and arrogance that was always characteristic of the Malfoy men. His mother told him his grandfather was a very harsh man, with very little of love to give and Draco could see why his father was shaped like this. He approached Draco, emphasizing the height that separated them, as a demonstration of his power over him. Always with the same disapproving look, as if Draco's every breath were a failure in his eyes._

_"I know what you are up to, young boy. Do you think that I'm that stupid?" His father asked, grabbing his chin, and pulling him close. "Do you think I'm a joke to you?"_

_"No, father." Draco merely said, maintaining eye contact. If he showed weakness, the punishment would be worse._

_"I saw the way you look at that girl. That muddleblood. Do you desire her Draco, is that it? I raised you better than that." Malfoy said crushing Draco's face, he could not look away. "You give me no choice Draco; I have to tell the Dark Lord."_

_Draco's eyes darted in panic and his breath caught in his throat. "You make me sick Draco. You are weak like your mother is. This is all her doing, making you soft for some dirt." Malfoy laughed cruelly. "Do you want to play the hero in her pathetic and worthless life?" Draco did not answer. "Bring her in," Malfoy said, wiping Draco's face, which was red, marked with his father's long fingers._

_Her crazy aunt, Bellatrix came in with Granger, who was crawling on the floor, being pulled by an arm, practically torn and in living blood. "Disgusting." His father said, giving the order. Granger looked at Draco, with those big amber eyes, begging for him, for his mercy, and for so much more. "Do it." His father said, walking away from the show of misery._

_Bellatrix let out a sick laugh and with a slice of her wand, she slit Hermione's throat, her body falling limp into the floor. Her blood was everywhere and it as hopeless._

" _Sometimes we hurt the ones we love, right Draco?" The venom of his father's voice following him into awaking._

Draco jerked awake, fighting for some air that he had been holding during his nightmare. His bed was soaked from his sweat. The nightmares became something Draco was familiar with, he was even surprised when he had a good night of sleep, without the usual fear and the distress, gasping for air and life. Ever since, he was almost the same dreams, that ended up with his mother dying or the Dark Lord torturing him without mercy. Granger never showed up in his dreams until now and it was just as awful as the others. _He wondered when all of this was going to end._

Draco only came back to reality when he heard the bathroom door slam shut and, a few moments later, Granger saying good morning to his shaggy cat. _He hated that stupid cat._ Tired of weeping in bed and drenched in his own sweat, Draco went to take a shower, hoping to forget this damn nightmare, which only became more real each time he remembered that he shared the room with her. Obviously spending time with her was getting into his head.

"Good morning Malfoy. Do you want some tea?" Hermione asked, curled up with a blanket and a book on the sofa, with her cat by the side. Malfoy looked at the cat, which he could have sworn showed him his sharp teeth.

"I need something stronger," Draco said looking at the freshly brewed coffee pot. The smell of fresh coffee and vanilla scent hovered in the air.

"For me?" Draco questioned, holding the pot, watching it as if it were a foreign object which he did not understand.

"Well, for both of us." Hermione said. "Don't make it a big deal Malfoy. I'm in a better mood than yesterday and I wanted to thank you for tonight, for listening to my problems." She said drowned in her book, clearly hiding.

Draco smiled, amused. "It was not a big deal Granger."

He considered sitting on the couch too but away from Granger or going back to his room until he finished drinking his coffee. After a few quiet minutes, of Malfoy leaning against the small bench alone, he decided to sit on the sofa but keeping his distance from Granger, who was absorbed in her little world.

"What are you reading?" Draco asked, noting that the book had an old, dark cover.

Hermione immediately fumbled. "Old ruins. I have a big essay coming up." Draco thought that was odd because he never saw a book like that, clearly, it was not an academic light reading but he did not push any further.

"What's up with that weird and hairy cat?" Draco watched him, leaning against Hermione's legs.

"Isn't it adorable?" Hermione asked, putting down the book to pet her cat. "His name is Crookshanks."

"It's bloody ugly and I'm certain he doesn't like me." Draco said whining taking a sip of his coffee.

"Well, all you have to do is behave, _Draco_. And I promise he won't kill you in your sleep." Hermione said smiling at him provocatively.

"Very funny Granger, I'm impressed." Draco sarcastically keeping an eye on the cat, that walked away with his tail in the air. Hermione closed her book and tugged it between her arm. While she got up from the blanket that covers her legs, Draco found himself looking at her long legs and her skirt which went up a little too much.

"Tomorrow is a full moon and we need to finish the potion. Remember?" Hermione said looking down at him, in a bossy tone.

"Yes. Tomorrow night." Malfoy said looking this time at her amber eyes, which seemed bigger in this angle. The same eyes that were begging him to save her from certain and horrific death. Somehow Draco felt like that his life was a loop and Granger was part of it. And no matter how good this morning came to be, nor her company, the end of the cycle was the same _. Her, lying dead, because of him_. Because he was a coward, even in his dreams. He did not know when Granger become sort of his conscious or maybe she was just a face that summed up all his guilt. _He needed to burn whatever this was to the fucking ground._ But for Salazar's sake, seeing her leave after she smiled at him and that bloody skirt _._ Was it always so short or was he imagining things? Draco rubbed his eyes aggressively and when he opened it, that damn cat was lying on the couch again, looking at him.

"Fuck off." Draco said and left the room.

After a couple of hours spent in the library, catching up on some future essays, Hermione thought about going to the Gryffindor tower, surely Harry and Ron were thereafter the practice, but she did not want to face Ginny or look at Ron, giving him more false hopes or whatever, she was doing according to Ginny. Tired and with a sharp pain in her back, she walked towards her dormitory. Maybe she and Malfoy could _hang out. Yes, she was going bloody nuts and she was past analyzing that._ She could not deny her face light up when she saw Malfoy lying on the couch sleeping peacefully. This was the first time she saw Draco spending time in their living room. Ever since the year began, they pretty much ignored each other or the space they shared. She was sure they would be yelling at each other and throwing spells if they exchange even if one single look. But now they became quite civil with each other, which was surprising or bloody mental.

Hermione just stands there, looking – really looking- at him. At his wild and ruffled hair, so different from the usual rigid style he used to wear. His face looked almost peacefully but never fully relaxed, his forehead was constantly frowning like he was having a nightmare. He became more restless, almost fighting with his own body and Hermione approached and put her warm hand in his face, and just like that Draco's face relaxed and he stopped trembling. Hermione could not help but smile. She got up and covered him with her favourite blanket and left him to rest, accompanied by her cat.

Later that evening, Draco woke up feeling warm and strangely good for the first time since… well, he did not know really, he always had restless dreams since he was a little kid. He opened his eyes, it was alright night-time, he could not believe he spent all this time sleeping. That was not the plan, but he felt completely exhausted fixing that bloody thing and he just wanted to go somewhere where he could breathe.

He looked around to see Granger curled up, reading a book in her lap, with a cup of tea in her hand. For a few seconds before saying something, Draco took a moment to look at her – _really look at her-_ her relaxed features, the way she was so focused in her book that did not notice her cat, trying desperately to climb to her. lap. Her body seemed very small when she was curled up like that, almost fragile and without her usual rigid posture in class. She was in her ambient, her safe space with him right beside her. _Merlin, the world had gone mad._

Draco coughed and immediately she looked up from her book. Her eyes were very small and a little red, probably for studying many hours but her shy smile was still there.

"Morning, sunshine." She said looking at him.

"What time is it?" He asked a bit disoriented.

"Almost nine, I think. You missed dinner."

"I'm not hungry." He lied; his stomach was hurting.

"Well, I asked Winky to spare you some food from dinner. It's in the kitchen balcony if you want." She said returning her attention to her book like what she said was nothing.

Draco was speechless, his lips moved but he did not know what to say or how to act really. Was he supposed to say thank you? He was horrible in this kind of stuff, mostly because no one ever did stuff like this to him, without wanting anything in return. "Who's Winky?" He asked instead.

"She's an elf, she works at the kitchen mostly. Quite lovely but she has some… problems, let's say." Hermione said.

"And she answers to you?" Draco asked.

"Not like that! She's free and… we're friends." Hermione said proudly at him.

"Of course." Draco said smirking. He got up, noticing the fuzzy red blanket that covered him and then to Hermione that was immersed in her book again. He thought about making some comment about her blanket, but he was too damn hungry to think clearly. The stew that Winky brought smelled wonderful and Draco's stomach growled again. Then he took out a small bowl and poured himself a large quantity. Honestly, he did not remember the last time he had had a meal itself, without feeling sick or practically not hungry enough to enjoy it. He considered going back to his room and calling it a night, but she was still curled up on the sofa reading and it seemed wrong to take the food she kept for him without thinking at least. He was not a bloody monster, his mother raised him well, after all.

Sitting in silence, a storm outside began to approach. A constant reminder that winter ruled over, even when some afternoons were spent outside, feeling the warm sun in their faces. But at night, everything changed. The sound of the rain began to softly beat against the window and the wind haunted the room they shared.

In the silence of the night, Draco wondered why she was so nice to him. After everything he had done, after everything they went through. Even though his father was a cruel man, a murderer, that would kill her in a blink of an eye just because she was near his beloved son. Did she have a death wish? Or she did not care at all? Or maybe, it was just her stupid Gryffindor complex? She was smart, surely, she would know better than to be some strange way of friends with a son of a Death Eater, especially, one with a suicide mission and nothing to hold on to.

He looked at her, surely, she was not that confrontable in that position, her neck must be killing her. "Are you comfortable in there?" He asked, breaking the silence.

She looked up, realizing she was not alone after all, and shut her book. "Actually, not really but you were asleep, so I didn't want to push you from the sofa. I'm not ruthless." She said playing.

"Come on then. I don't bite." He said smirking, touching the spot next to him.

She got up and sat next to him. She was looking at him curiously. "This is strange. I never thought I would be spending my Saturday night with you."

"Me neither, but I supposed you are not that bad. Only your ugly cat." Draco said looking at their surroundings, searching for that bloody thing.

"Asshole." She said smiling. "My dad found him near our house a long time ago. Someone left him, poor thing."

"I wonder why." Draco said and Hermione smacked his arm. "Sorry!" He said putting his hand in the air.

"Anyways." She continued "He didn't like us at first. He kept escaping and trying to bite us. I don't think his former owners were good with him, so he's a little bit tough but just stick around and he will surprise you."

Draco looked at her. "I respect that." He merely said and she nodded. The silence fell upon them again and Draco felt doing something stupid and impulsive, like so many times he was near her.

"Draco…" She said. "Can I ask you something?" She said, with her big amber eyes looking straight at him.

He nodded, fearing her next words but still, his body did not want to move and leave here so he was embracing what's coming. "Do you thought about running away from this war?"

He breathed again. "What do you mean?"

"If my friends heard me, they would be so fucking disappointed but we are in a bloody war. This is not some adventure that Harry drags me to, there is people's life's line, like my parents." She breathed out, tears starting to form in her eyes. "And sometimes I don't want to stay and fight against You-Know-Who. Sometimes I just want to fucking run away with my parents and hide forever. Sometimes I just want everything to disappear." She rumbled out. "I'm a bloody coward."

"You Gryffindor's are insane." He said and she laughed softly "And I would to the same…If I could. I would run away but that is pointless. I don't think we can escape this, Granger."

She turned her body to him, looking at him carefully like he was something fragile to look at and she needed to be careful not to breathe too loud. "What have they asked you to do?" Her words almost sound like a whisper, a secret revealed in a moment of weakness. 

She caught him off his guard like she imagined she would. Hermione immediately sensed him tense around her, his back straight up and his jaw was more noticeable than before. She was sure he was going to tell her to fuck off and leave but he remained still, facing her, probably thinking about his options. Finally, for that felt like a million years, he said in a low and deep tone, unsure: "How did you find out?"

"I didn't. It was just a guess." Hermione said softly. "I won't tell Harry but he's suspicious already." She did not know why she said that. To assure him? To make him feel safe and less trapped in this conversation? Part of her did not seem to fully understand the implications of her words. If she did, well, she was probably really affected by the war, because she was practically allying with Malfoy, instead of her long-time best friend who was right. 

"You won't?" He stared harshly at her. _Examining her._

"I won't. I promise." She said truthfully.

"What you want from me Granger?" Draco asked bluntly rising from the couch.

"I want to help you." She said following him to the center of the room. Outside the storm echoed behind them, like war drums, preparing for the finale battle, where everything was lost or won.

Malfoy laughed. "Well, you can't. Nobody can." He approached her, looking with a cold indifference look. "I don't need your help or pity. Do you think you know me? You have no idea what I must do… What I will do." He said out loud.

"Try hard Malfoy. I'm not scared of you." She said, putting her hands on her hips. "And I do not know everything, but I do know some things. I know you are miserable; you are physically ill Draco. You do not eat and I doubt you sleep, and you are different from me. That's when I knew something wrong was happening."

"Because I was nice to you?" Draco snorted, almost like he did not believe her words. "You're such a good detective, has anyone tell you that?"

"You don't call me a muddleblood anymore." Hermione said finally and he looked away, almost disgusting with the word. "I think you hate that word now. I don't know why but something changed with you."

"And where that leaves us, Granger?" Draco looked at her again, with a firm posture, very different from the scared and lost boy he sounded just a few seconds ago. "Now that you know who I am. Do I repulse you?"

Hermione did not know how to respond. She staged this conversation several times, the way she was going to approach him, what to say, what he could say but she never thought how to end the conversation, which would result after this confrontation, which seemed increasingly inevitable because she was getting closer and closer to him. But of all the imaginary scenarios, she never thought he would just stand in front of her, with his arms crossed, waiting for something from her. Maybe he was waiting for her to betray him and tell Dumbledore who he really was, and everything was over, even this _little thing_ they had together.

"I don't know Malfoy." She said honestly. "Why are you doing this? I mean, do you believe in him?"

Draco had been thinking about that question many times in the past few months, or even years. He wanted to be just like his father. Powerful, hateful, brilliant, but it always involved being a Death Eater and Draco was not sure about that. "I don't know. I am still the same. I believe that purebloods are superior but ... I don't think anyone should die because of that, nor because some manic has some really big ego."

Hermione approached him to the point she was now standing in front of him. "Let me help you. Please."

Draco looked at her big eyes, begging him. And he immediately went back to his vivid nightmare, the one where she was dying in front of him, begging for him to save her and just because he was selfish and let her in. _She was too close_. " _Please Draco_." She whispered.

"What are you doing Granger?" He asked feeling distracted by how proximate her body was from his, by the way, he felt her hot breathing in his face.

"I knew it because I saw you Draco. And I can't help to _see you_." She said quietly "To want you." The secret was out, all that was left was her weakness and confusion.

"You don't know what you're saying, Granger. And I know you are smart enough to know nothing good would come out of this. Me with the order. _Us._ " He managed to find some words after a few seconds of silence. His mind was racing, he did not know what to think or to _feel,_ only that she was pushing and pushing him to his end, testing him to feel, to say things he did not want to say out loud, to face himself. He was about to fall to his end and to whatever she was. He could not step back away from her and he did not want to blink this moment away. This moment when everything seemed wrong and right, this moment when they were alone, and no one really could stop them.

"Maybe. But I'm still here."

"What should I do then?" Draco asked bloody anxious for her. He could not face away, not now. 

"Take what you want and don't look back." She said finally, sounding so sure of herself. _Just like that. Let the world burn?_

Draco remained still, mesmerized by every part of her, and then without thinking twice, he grabbed her face and kissed her passionately and hard. She kissed him back with the same urge, the same almost sense of desperation like they were apart for years and years, and finally, they came _home._


	13. Ginevra Calling

Hermione was not a damn fool. She knew all the facts, all the possible arguments that could justify her behavior, she knew that there would be no favorable scenario in which to allow what was happening, to happen. Still, or maybe, despite all of that righteous rumbling, she was kissing Draco Malfoy and she didn't want to stop. He grabbed her face, harshly and brought his lips to hers in a matter of seconds and she was out of air. The impact of the feeling of his soft lips on her surprised her and she melted into his arms that were around her waist pushing her closer and closer. Hemione let a small moan when he deepened the kiss, this time, hungrier, more desperate than before until they both had to stop to catch their breath. It sounded like such a cliché but she could swear the whole world went silent when they kiss and suddenly everything moved slowly. Draco rested his forehead against hers and they stayed that way for a while, both panting and close to each other. Hermione was not a damn fool _. She knew this was over, long before it started._

She considered kissing him again, dragging them back to that moment, indefinitely, until they both forget who they were and what was happening around them. But the last drop of courage she had in her veins disappeared when he raised his head and looked at her. She knew what he was going to say and do. _This was a bloody mistake. Don't tell anyone about this. My father will hear about this. Okay, maybe not that._

Terrified of the words that would come out of Draco's mouth, Hermione pulled away and crossed her arms around her chest. "We can pretend we were both drunk." She said, breaking the unbearable silence that settled in the room.

"We can blame it on a lot of things." He said merely. "This, whatever it is, cannot happen again. You know, that right?"

"I do." She said quickly. _God, what Harry and Ron would think of her?_ Kissing the enemy and worse, wanting him even more now. Draco continued looking at her which only made this harder for both of them. "And you don't have to worry. You're secret is safe with me." 

He didn't know what exactly he wanted to say— It doesn't have to be this way; This was a mistake; I'm sorry – so he nodded, hoping the silence would be enough, but knowing it wasn't. He took one final look at her, to her flushed cheeks and red, swollen lips. _Fuck. She looked beautiful, more than ever, with her wild and ruffled hair._ This was not supposed to happen but now that it did, he couldn't pretend it didn't. He couldn't pretend he made the first move; he pressed the kiss on her. Neither he couldn't pretend that a part of him wanted her too, even if he was too coward or afraid to say she was not a distraction or a fling of him being rebellious against his father.

"And for what its worth, I don't see you that way." She said, one last time, before leaving for her room and closing the door.

"You should." He said, only to himself. Alone in that dark room, with the storm echoing behind him, he stared at her door, wondering what would happen if he had a different childhood, what would happen if she was a pureblood? He smiled at that thought, he couldn't imagine her obeying the rigid etiquette and the courtship of dating. His mind wandered to the kiss again, how passionate she kissed him like she wanted him as bad as he desired her. Maybe in another world, where he didn't grow up in a house full of harsh rules and pureblood mania, he would kiss her freely in the corridors and take her to dates. Maybe in another world, where she had a different family, she would be the one. Maybe she would be the one he would marry. Perhaps he was just losing his mind, surely he was far from sane since the moment the Dark Lord showed up in his house since the awful night that he took the mark and everything inside of him burned. He knew he was sealing his own death and so did his mother. Everything else was borrowed time, like this kiss or him allowing himself to feel something other than hatred. He watched the light in her room disappeared and just like that the moment was gone.

* * *

The next morning, Hermione was determined to erase last night from her mind. After a sleepless night, she came up with a plan to avoid Draco for the rest of the school year. _Hell, forever even_. They had one last meet-up for Snape's assignment tonight and that was it, luckily it won't take all night, and then she was free from Draco Malfoy. Well, she still had to share the room with him but she would figure it out.

She didn't know what happened to her last night, where all that bold courage came from, that impulsive need of him, and the way she surrenders herself to him. But she was not one of Malfoy's girls, running after him, falling in his lap for just one more kiss. This was a bloody mistake and they both agreed on that.

Despite this little rant going inside her head, Hermione was paralyzed behind the door, preparing herself to leave her room, hoping he wasn't there. But some harsh knocks catch her off guard and she thanked for some kind of distraction before she went mad. Hermione opened her bedroom door, only to see him standing in the kitchen, with a mug that said _why so serious_ in his hand. Hermione wanted to laugh, at the irony of it. On another day, she would share this joke with him, teasing him on his always so serious and _I'm-better-than-you_ face but after last night everything felt weird between them.

"Hermione? Are you awake?" Ron shouted from outside, banging at the door.

Breaking the _too-intense-and-completely-unnecessary_ eye contact with Malfoy, she opened the door, facing a half-asleep Ron, with his hair untamed but still, he managed to smile at her, in a goofy way.

"Hi Ron, what happened?" She asked surprised and Ron entered the room.

"Bloody hell. He's here?" He asked her like she was the reason why he was there, absolute forgetting this was his room too. Hermione just rolled her eyes.

"Great, just what I need it. See Weasel's face in the morning, my day is officially ruined." Draco said in a dramatic way, putting his mug down.

_Jesus Fucking Christ. Boys._

"Ron! What's the problem?" Hermione asked impatiently, trying to catch his attention. 

"It's Ginny, I don't know what's wrong with her, she won't stop bloody crying. Lavender was asking for you." He said still frowning at Malfoy that was watching them in the kitchen.

"What happened?" Hermione asked concerned about her friend. The last time she talked to her was Friday night and that was a not-so-pleasant talk.

"I don't know. She disappeared on us during the weekend, like you did" Ron pointed. "Were you sick?"

"I was studying Ron." She asked annoyed. _And doing other things_. She hoped he didn't notice her checks that were burning. _God damn it, what happened to forget about last night?_ Hermione felt herself growing more anxious and impatient looking at Ron, and then it got her. He was standing right in the spot where hours ago she kissed Draco. This felt wrong in so many ways, she felt sick on her stomach.

"Let's go then." She said opening the door, without a glance at the boys. She needed to get out of this bloody room. _Away from him, really._

* * *

Ginny was sitting near the lake, just like Lavender told her. It was almost eight o'clock, the sun was rising slowly and the birds were singing softly around them. Classes were about the begin but for the first time in ever, Hermione didn't care, what she did care for was her friend, that was sitting there, looking so small and fragile, without her typical brightness and usual energy, even in school mornings. Something was deeply wrong. Hermione approached Ginny and sat down next to her, who kept her gaze on the lake. She was freezing cold by the way she was trembling without her cloak.

"Ginny?" Hermione said. "Is everything all right?"

Ginny turned her face away so that Hermione couldn't see her face. She was sure that the young witch was still angry with her until she heard a little sob coming from her side. Hermione immediately jumped into her friend's arms and hugged her, pulling her close, even though Ginny tried to resist. "Ginny, you can talk to me," Hermione whispered at her hair, while Ginny was crying in her arms.

"I fucked up Hermione." Ginny said in tears. Hermione cooped Ginny's checks and now she was looking right at her, waiting for her to open up. "It's okay. Whatever it was, we can fix it."

"No, we can't," Ginny said desperately. "I slept with Dean and it was a mistake."

"With Dean? When, Ginny?" Hermione asked surprised.

"We were talking at the party after you disappeared with Harry and I was so drunk, I wasn't thinking straight, but then I woke up in his bed and I don't know what happened." Ginny sobbed at her shoulder.

"Ginny, you don't remember anything?" Hermione asked nervous, knowing the implications of what Ginny was telling her. "I mean, did you say yes?"

"I don't know! I flirted with him, so I guess I wanted to." Ginny said in desperation. 

"What! No Ginny! That's not an excuse. Did he hurt you?" Hermione felt his stomach boil with anger.

"I don't think so. I talked with him… yesterday, he thought I wanted that. But I was drunk, I remember going to his room but that's it. Oh Hermione, what have I done?" She crumbled in Hermione's arms again.

"It's okay Ginny." Hermione hugged tighter, feeling her own tears growing in her eyes. "We need to go see Madame Pomfrey just to check that everything's okay."

"I'm so embarrassed Hermione." Ginny tried to clean her own tears that kept on coming. "I always thought…you know. That my first time would be with someone that I loved. Not like this." 

"I know." Hermione held her hand. "I'm sorry Ginny, I shouldn't have left you alone in the party. You were right that night, I'm a selfish cunt." 

"I'm really sorry for saying all those things Hermione. I was jealous and tired. You were being a good friend to Harry, he needed you." Ginny nodded like she was understanding or even accepting the truth that only she knew about. "He always needs you and he always will."

"Ginny, it's nothing like that, I promise you. There's nothing between me and Harry, I would never like him that way!" Hermione said, still holding Ginny's hands. She wanted her friend to understand the truth about her and Harry. That there was no hidden love, no passion there, as she imagined. They were family. 

"I know you won't Hermione." Ginny said smiling through her tears. "But I don't think he reckons the same about you."

"Ginny, I promise you. Harry only got eyes for you." Hermione said. "He's just scared for his friendship with Ron. You know the boys, he will come around."

"Actually, I think I'm quite tired of boys at the moment" Ginny said, managing a half-smile. Hermione helped her get up, without taking her hand from hers and together they went to the infirmary.

It was half-past nine at this point and Hermione was waiting at the infirmary for Ginny's consultation with madame Pomfrey, unfortunately, she wasn't allowed to accompany Ginny and after much protest, Hermione let go of her hand, with sorrow. She knew it wasn't fair to make this about her but Hermione felt guilty for leaving the party, for leaving Ginny. For what? To Sneak up on Malfoy's secrets, only to find him with Pansy. All seemed pointless at the moment and she didn't recognize herself after the past weeks.

"Hi." Ginny said approaching her. "I'm okay." She assured her.

"Oh Ginny, thank God!" Hermione hugged tight, fighting the tears that were forming in her eyes.

"Thank you for being here, H." Ginny said.

"Do you want me to talk with Dean? If you want, I will." Hermione said defensively. In fact, she would talk to Dean anyway. 

"I don't know Hermione. What did he do wrong?" Ginny said, avoiding her eyes.

"Well, if he wasn't that drunk, he surely noticed you were not right! He could have taken advantage of you and if he did, we need to do something about it!"

"Hermione...I just want to rest. Can we talk about it later, please?"? Ginny begged, with tired and sullen eyes.

"Of course. Let's go to the dorms." Hermione said, trying to cheer her up. "A girl's day, what you think? Watching those reality tv shows you love so much."

Ginny smiled. "What about classes? Who are you and what did you do to my friend?"

"I will ask madame a justification that I'm not feeling well. And sometimes there's something more important than education, Ginny." Hermione said proudly. Actually, there's little things more important than education, but she was making a point, on being a good friend when Ginny needed her.

"Words I never thought you would say, my friend." Ginny smiled.

"I think you are a bad influence on me, Ginevra." Hermione said only to make her friend laugh just a little more. 


	14. Change of Heart

After hours of watching reality tv shows on Hermione's laptop, which Ginny thought was just a _bloody brilliant object,_ and drinking hot chocolate in bed, Ginny fell asleep. Hermione could only imagine the sleepless night her friend had in the past few days and how exhausting all this situation truly was. Looking at her, Hermione felt very protective, probably triggered by her own selfish guilty of not being there for her when she needed it the most. Guilt was fuel and if you let it, it would burn you to the ground and Hermione was being fed of it. Maybe because she was a girl, she felt this situation echo deep into her, because it was relatable in some way even if it did not happen to her. Like her mom always said, there things that bound women to each other and that kind of bond is impossible to break. It was an inch of empathy, guilt, and rage that moved her to find Dean and demand an answer. Ginny was not in the right space of mind to do this, for the other hand, Hermione was more than motivated to find the truth about what he did to her friend.

It was late afternoon; the last class of the day and it was Potions. A part of her _– a big part_ \- also felt bad for skipping it and she could not help to wonder what she missed or how this time Harry manage to make the perfect potion. She was standing outside the doors, waiting for any sound that the class was about the end. She knew the first indication was Ron flying out of there, with his bag still open and books almost falling. Hermione smiled at that thought. She missed her friends and felt like ages since the last time they spend time together, just laughing, without all the conspiracies and death threats.

She heard the chairs bouncing back and a lot of noise coming from inside, in a matter of seconds, a wild and laughing crowd would pass through that doors. To her surprise, the first person to leave the room was Draco. He was even more surprised than her, to find her here. His face was a mix of confusion and surprise. For a few, but long, seconds he just stood there, with his bag hanging in his shoulder, looking at her like he never saw her before.

"Granger." He said, almost formally.

"Malfoy." She responded back. Hermione opened her mouth to say something else, anything to break this strange silence, but then his friends showed up behind him and he immediately lowers his face and she stepped back, pretending to look annoyed.

"Look who it is. The muddlebood." Pansy said, with her face frown and hatred in her voice.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Jesus, after eight years I thought you would become a lot more creative with your bullying, but I think you need to be smart to actually offend someone. I'm sorry Pansy." Hermione spat back, already done with this conversation.

"What did you say to me, you rigid bitch?" Pansy took a step forward in her direction.

"Oh fuck, I forgot you only understand small sentences," Hermione said proudly. "Do your friends know you are that thick in the head?"

"That's it. You are going to wish you were dead." Pansy said, fuming with anger. At her side, Blaise started laughing.

"Wonderful. This is just a great." Blaise said clapping. Draco glanced at him, with his typical _I'm-going-to-murder-you_. "Oh, what Drake? This is a catfight."

Hermione was not listening anymore to whatever Pansy was saying to her, she saw Dean's face and she bumped against Pansy's shoulder harshly, ignoring the witch raged protests or curses at her.

"Dean!" Hermione yelled at the crowd of people surrounding Dean. He slowly turned around, it only took a couple of seconds for his face to change and for _the shoe to drop._

"Go on. I will catch up later." Dean said to Seamus.

"What's up Hermione?" Dean said, trying to look indifferent.

"Cut the bullshit. You know what I want to talk about. Ginny told me everything." Hermione said, glaring at his eyes.

Dean straight his back. "Look, I didn't know she is in love with Harry, okay?"

"What? This is not about Harry, for fuck sake." _What is wrong with guys and their fucking need to mark territory_. "She was bloody drunk, you idiot. She doesn't remember being with you!"

Dean finally understood where she was getting. "Hermione, I didn't do anything that she didn't want it. We were both drunk and she came to me at the party. She never talked with me until last Friday."

"She is a wreck, Dean. And I need to know the truth and she does too." Hermione said, folding her arms.

"I can't prove anything Hermione. You have to take my word; she didn't ask to stop." Dean said, simply.

"And did you ask her if she wanted this? Fuck, did she even look sober enough to answer?" Hermione started to get angrier. "Seriously, I thought you were decent Dean!"

"What did you want me to do?" Dean said. "Please don't tell Ron."

"There's something more important here than Ron's feelings! It's about Ginny and Friday night!" Hermione yelled back. Dean immediately took her arm, leading her to the next classroom that was open and closing the door.

"Hermione, I can't erase Friday night, neither can you." Dean said.

"You're right, I can't, but you will talk to Ginny when she wants to. And you will apologize for your stupid behavior." Hermione said. "And if I ever hear some other girl has the same fucking experience with you, I will talk to Dumbledore."

"You know me forever Hermione. I'm not one of those guys." Dean bumbled.

" Don't need to act that decent Dean. It is easy, next time, do not fuck someone if they can't even keep their eyes open or walk straight. You fucking asshole." Hermione said shoving him hard, against the desk and left the room.

The crowd around the corridors seemed to disappear but at some distance, she saw Ron and Harry walking side by side. Probably talking about Quidditch, by the way, Ron was moving and throwing something in the air. Harry was smiling, with his shoulders, like he always does. Hermione felt nostalgic looking in a distance to her best friends, she wanted to join them and even go to the Quidditch fields, watch them doing their thing but she felt awful, thinking about Ginny waking alone. Besides, she needed to get some work done before her meeting with Malfoy. The more she did alone, the faster they would get this done. Ron and Harry disappeared from her sight and she turned back feeling demotivated about everything.

"Running away from your boyfriend, Granger?" Blaise asked her, sneaking up on her.

"What do you want?" Hermione said, annoyed, moving past him. He followed her around, keeping up with her fast pace.

"Just wondering about some stuff." He said, mysteriously, only Hermione did not give a fuck. After she did not answer back, he added. "Fine. I tell you what's in my mind, little Granger."

"Please, don't. I have things to do. Don't any of your idiot friends are available to hear your bullshit?"

"Ohh!" Blaise said, almost yelling "You have some fire in you. I tell you that. I think I'm starting to understand him better."

"Who are you talking about Blaise?" Hermione was becoming more irritated.

"Draco, of course." He said like she was too slow to understand. "Look, all my friends are becoming very creep dudes. And if it feels better, I do not believe that muggleborns should all burn and besides, I don't want to marry my cousin, Lisa."

"What? Nothing you said is making sense to me." Hermione stopped. "We're not friends. A few minutes ago, your friend Pansy was about to chop my head off and you were laughing!".

"Because it was fucking hilarious. You two. You would get along."

Hermione laughed. "Only if I was dead after I killed her."

"You have some Slytherin on you." Blaise said smiling proudly. "I wanted to talk to you about two things. First, does Ginny is dating someone at the moment?"

 _Jesus Christ._ "She's way too good for you. Are you tired of your sags?"

"Sags? I'm not Draco, love." Blaise said. To that, Hermione immediately blushed. And then she got angrier, remembering just a few days ago when she walked on him and Pansy. " I have to stop your thoughts there. Draco is not with anyone at the moment. He lost that glow of the party, right now he's just a depressed fuck."

"He's Pansy's boyfriend. I walked on them a few days ago." Hermione said, trying to hide her discomfort or anger.

Blaise started smiling like he just figured something out. "Don't tell anyone but Pansy was trying to get into his pants all night and he kept pushing her away. And then something happened."

"She fell into his dick?" Hermione said annoyed with this conversation.

"Actually, you and Potter started dancing, like two love birds. Quite lovely, but poor Draco did not saw that way and you know him, he's such a hot-headed sweet thing." Blaise said looking proud of his friend.

Hermione did not know what to say. "Why are you saying those things? Is this a stupid trap?"

"Because I'm bored. And I'm tired of seeing my best friends suffer." Blaise said, honestly. "I don't know what's going on between you and Draco, but I notice things. Like he started protecting you from Pansy rages. He even stopped talking to you in public, and a naïve person would think he didn't even notice you, but I saw the looks, miss Granger!" Blaise tried to pick on her cheeks, but she shoved him. "There's something growing in there."

"You're right. You are too bored, for making this kind of shit up! Malfoy hates me, he spent the past seven years making sure I know how he felt about me."

"Seven years huh? There's a lot of time for someone who hates you." He said smirking.

"Well, you know how bullying works. Those pricks never grow up."

"Until they face some bad shit and realize some things." Blaise said. "Not all bullies. Okay, some just stay bad but that's not Draco."

"I don't know what you want me to say or why you are saying all those things. I'm pretty sure Draco would kill you if he knew you were talking to me about him being a softy." Hermione tried to laugh but honestly, she was quite paralyzed by this conversation.

"I'm not painting Draco in beautiful colors and rainbows. He's an asshole, always going to be but I think you are changing him, and I like what I see."

"What I have to do for you to shut up?" Hermione said.

"Fair enough. I just want a chance with Ginny, and I know you're like her protector or whatever."

"She doesn't care about boys right now. So, get in line. Maybe next year or never."

"I'm already there. She didn't even notice me. She thinks I'm some Slytherin asshole." Hermione immediately looked at him. "Which I am but I have feelings."

"Look, maybe you are a sort of decent guy. I don't really know you but if I know something about Ginny is that she wants someone to fight for her, to listen to her and really see her." Hermione thought about Harry, wondering if he checked all these boxes for her best friend and she knew he did not. Sometimes she saw Harry looking at her, with a kind of sweetness but then sometimes he completely ignored her. He did not see her, not really and if Hermione was finally figured this out, Ginny already did, maybe a long time ago.

"I know she's in love with Potter." Blaise said, with a serious face. "But we also both know he treats her kind of like shit. He's a bloody hero, he has shit to do or whatever you guys do together." Hermione was about to protest, and he shushed with his finger. "If I'm being totally honest, I always thought he was in love with you since eleven, or whatever."

"Jesus. We are only friends, like brothers." Hermione explained what it felt like the hundred times. "What's wrong with all of you."

"Whatever, Granger. So, you are saying you are not going to help me with Ginny?" He claps his foot on the floor.

"I won't Blaise. Not until I know you meant well with her and even then, it's up to her." Hermione said, trying to sound as nice as she could, with the major headache she was feeling. "I'm not playing some kind of twisted cupid."

"Fine." He said looking like a bored child. "I hope you think about all the things I said to you. I meant what I said, I saw the way he looked at you, and I saw him with a lot of girls and he never looks at them, not like that." He said with a half-smile, enjoying himself.

Hermione stood there, looking like a ghost pass through her. She pondered going back, find her friends and feel normalcy in her life for a change but it was almost six o'clock and she promised to meet with Draco in half an hour. If things were not confusing enough, Blaise enters the scene, saying all those things that were messing her head. Was he jealous of her and Harry? Did he have some sort of feelings for her? What about that damn kiss? If she told Blaise about it, he would yell at the sky about how right he was.

But even if all those things were the truth, and even say, she had feelings for him as well, the underlying truth that was beneath was impossible to ignore it. He was a death eater and she was a muggleborn. In every story, they were meant to hate each other – and they have, for so much time – not to like each other, nor to find comfort in each other presence. Not to kiss each other, like the world was about the end. Nor to feel like she changed forever after that damn kiss. It was only a kiss, only it was not. She had some kisses, to be precise, two kisses: one from a kid in her primary school, back in London, and then Victor. Surely, both did not take her breath away, did not left her wondering for one more kiss as Draco did. Maybe because she never wanted someone like she wanted him _. Him, of all people._ And she was done pretending she did not. 

Hermione was smiling, without even noticing. She runs as fast as she could to their room, passing through a very confused Neville. She heard her footsteps echo behind her, her wild hair was flying everywhere – _she looked like a mess, she bet, but did not mind_ -. Her heart was beating too fast, about to explode from her mouth and finally, she was standing at the door of their room and without looking back or thinking twice she opened the door, to find him sitting in the coach. He looked at her.


	15. A Kiss

_The look of his mother's eyes was heart-breaking, directly pointed at him. Begging, with motherly love for him to disappear and to never come back, even if it meant sealing her and his father's destiny. "I won't, mother," Draco said, merely a whispered. The ambient in the Manor was never wrenching and a mere whisper, hiding at the night in his room was a dangerous act. Treason even_.

" _I won't lose my only boy to… that. Draco, I'm begging you." She said, holding his hands hard._

" _Pathetic."_

_A voice talked behind him and he did not need to turn around to know who that was. Her mother kept her firm grip on him, still with begging eyes. "Draco…"_

" _Oh Narcissa, why did you force me to be like this?" He said in an icy and vicious tone. "There's no running away from me. Not now, not ever and Draco knows that is, don't you Draco?" He asked him but he was too afraid to turn around. He listened to small and desperate small behind him, those kinds of cries that only happen after your body are exhausted, after screaming and crying the living out of you and there is nothing left other than just little moans of pain. He did not want to look behind and face it. The violence. The same terror he faced all summer. The same poor muggles, whole families falling in the hands of this sociopath._

" _Be brave Draco… For me." A voice talked behind him, a women's voice but something was terribly wrong with it. It sounds like someone he knew but with a strange and violent tone that he did not recognize._

_With a last look at his mother, Draco breathed out and faced all his fears. It was her. On the floor, with blood on her face, her hands, and her clothes. Tears and blood mixed in her perfectly shaped face that he grew fond of. At her side, it was him and his bloody snake surrounding Hermione. Hissing and threatening her, with hungry eyes, just like his master._

" _What did I tell you about fucking muddlebloods, Draco?" He said amused at himself and at this theatrical of horror. "Do you fantasy a future with this filthy girl? Having a family with her?"_

_He could not answer, his eyes were fixed on her. He merely said, only for her to listen. "I'm sorry."_

" _Kill her!" Voldemort screamed with hatred and his vicious snake attacked her._

Draco woke up screaming out loud, grabbing his own trousers until his knuckles turned white. He felt something stuck in his throat and he could not breathe. Something was making pressure on his chest and he thought he was going to drown on it.

"Keep it together, Draco." He said to himself. He knew what was happening, he just needed to breathe. But images of that awful nightmare were crashing in his head, images of her. Bloody and destroyed. Images of her mother. He was suffocating.

The door opened wide and out of breath, Hermione walked in, closing the door behind her. Draco was holding his chest with his hand and he immediately drops it, pretending everything was fine. Of course, she noticed something was wrong.

"Hey… Draco, are you okay?" She asked, approaching him quietly. He felt himself backing away from her. "Draco?"

"I'm fine." He said perhaps too harshly. "I just need a fucking minute, alright?"

Hermione crossed her arms in her chest, feeling suddenly defensively. "Okay." She said walking to the kitchen. She needed a cup of warm tea. _Maybe something stronger._

She listened to him move behind her, quietly, feeling his eyes carved in her head, almost like she had grown two heads. Hermione prepared two cups of tea, maybe that would calm him down. She would never admit it, but she started to enjoy the quiet moments spent with him in the coach drinking some tea or hot chocolate. Watching him frown at her cat and mumble something under his breath.

Hermione returned to the coach with two cups of tea and looked at him, who was standing in the middle of the room, clearly still disoriented and paler than usual. His forehead was sweaty, and his eyes were wider like he feared something.

"Draco, can you please sit down?" She asked quietly. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

He glanced at her like she was the strangest woman he had ever seen. Only if she knew that her face was the one hunting his dreams to the point that made him sick being with her after that. He felt his heart slow down a little and finally was able to sit down. She offered him a cup and like always he was touched and surprised by the gest.

"What's going on?" She asked after he accepts the cup. He still was tensed around her, every moved he made was calculated. "Or you do not have to tell me, really. I just enjoy the silence and the deadly looks you give me from time to time." She teased a little, hoping she could get him to smile.

To her surprise, she saw his lip curled up a little. "I'm flattered by your smile."

"Don't." He said smirking at her. Now he looked much more like his usual self and Hermione found herself smiling. After a long moment of silence, Draco took a sip of his tea, his hands still trembling a little and he finally spoke, like it was the hardest thing for him to do. "I have this… dreams. Vivid dreams. Sometimes it's hard to wake up."

"Nightmares?" Hermione asked and he nodded. She felt like he was pushing him too much, but she could not help it, she wanted to help him. "About you-know-who?"

His jaw clenched at that name and she could see how much that unsettled him. "Yes. Most of the time." Hermione waited for him to elaborate a little more and thought of touching his hand but after last night she was not sure how to behave near him. "He does horrible things and I have no control of what happens…. Of whom dies, because of me." He said quietly, merely a whisper. "I blame him for everything." He said with such hatred that it was clear on his face.

"Your father?" Hermione asked.

"Yes. I hate how weak and how selfish he really is. How desperate he became for a place that could cost him his family." Draco snorted. "Pathetic."

Hermione could not stand away from him for any more minute, she reached his hand and squeezed hard. He looked at her, like he was finally returning to reality, and recognized that she by his side. "They are just nightmares. Is not real." She said, trying to sound reassuring but she had her own nightmares and they scared the crap out of her.

Draco kept his gaze at her, a conflicted look like he was debating saying something or not. "I dream of you sometimes. You always die in my dreams, because of me." He said harshly. "And then I wake up and you are here, around me, being gentle and nice with me. Do you understand that I can't do this Granger?”

Hermione let out a breath she did not know she was holding on like she did a lot of times when Draco was talking or just dangerously near her. The whole world went silent, everything moved slowly or did not move at all. She knew by now that Draco simply did not admit things. He did not talk about his family, even less about this father and he did not just bluntly admit he dreams of her. She knew something was going to break. An end of something." Do what?" She asked, afraid of the answer.

"You know what. Whatever this is." Draco got up abruptly, moving his hands in the air. "This… friendship. I do not fucking know. I just know that we have to face the truth." He said turning around to look at her. His eyes looked cold as ice and she dreads every word he was going to say. "I'm a death eater and you are a muggle-born. And not just your regular muggle-born, you are Potter's best friend, for fuck sake."

Hermione finally found the courage to get up and face him. Sometimes she loved how taller he was but now she just hated the distance, how small she felt standing right in front of him, hearing him say goodbye. Merlin, she was looking for him, like a madwoman running down the corridors just to tell him to give this a chance. "Draco, you are a lot more than that."

"Don't say things like that!" Draco said out loud, hopeless. "Don't you dare forget who I am. I made your life a living hell for years. You hated my guts and I hated yours. And now I am on the wrong side of the war. There is nothing left here for you, Granger. No fucking pieces for you to pick."

"Why did you kiss me then?" Hermione said approaching him, feeling her temper rise. "I know why I kissed you back. Because for a moment I was not thinking about the war or my parents or if we are going to live or die at the end of this. For the first time since the year started, I was not afraid of anything. I only feel this way with you, and I doubt you don't feel the same." Draco did not say anything. She did not even know he was listening. "Am I that bad just because I want to hold on to something that makes me feel alive?" She said confidently of every word. "Whatever this is. Call it friendship, call it war syndrome, I do not care. I think we can figure this out."

"I can't watch you die because of me, Granger. I won't." Draco looked defeat and she dreads to see him look like this. He touched her face and she succumbed to his touched. Hermione would never admit this to him, but she just loved the shape of his hands, she found herself looking at them, admiring it a lot of times. "Maybe in another crazy life, we could be friends. Properly" He paused. "Maybe even more."

"I don't know why you think you have to go through this alone." Hermione said, more desperate than she would like to admit. She felt like she was fighting for something that was escaping her bare fingers. "I already told you, we can help you. The order…" He interrupted her.

"I'm afraid there's no-way-out Granger." He half-smiled at her. "And it's for the better if you don't know too much."

Dozens of plans and arguments floated through Hermione's head to convince him that things do not have to be this way, that he did not have to walk this path alone, with a death threat hanging over his head. But it seemed that no matter what she might say, he was determined to finish this on his own, whatever that was. Hermione feared for him, for his life and the impossibility of helping him, made her feel sick to her stomach. She thought about t _hat defining point that changed everything for them._ Maybe it was that night when they found that dying unicorn and he saved her life. Somehow, she felt like it was a lot sooner and not because of some heroic act that involves saving her own life. Maybe it was at the beginning of classes when Snape gives the assignment, those first days spent in the library – arguing and arguing, but growing close, finding little things about one or another. Maybe it was just his bloody laugh when she made him laugh for the first time.

"So, that's it then?" Hermione said. "One last assignment and we are back to hating each other? Are we supposed to pretend that nothing ever happened? That you did not save my life that night? That we do not hang out together? That…. we didn't kiss each other?" She spoke quietly.

Draco said nothing. "Is that what you really want?" She asked, afraid of the answer.

"I'm trying to be a good guy Granger. Just give me this, please." He said. "I'm trying to do the right thing, for once."

The silence came again between them and Hermione could have sworn that years had passed. "This is a goodbye then." She said, fighting some tears that were beginning to lurk in her eyes. _Fuck. She did not want to cry, not in front of him._

A tear streamed down her face and it was too late for her to hide. Draco brought his hand to his face and wiped it. Her hand stayed there for a while, long enough for Hermione to open her eyes again and find him next to her. "Yeah." He said, quietly. Hermione could not stay here, so close to him, knowing this little part of her, of her new routine that she has grown so fond of, was going to end, just like this.

Before she could walk away, Draco put his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her to him, her lips touching his, hard and quickly Hermione landed in his arms. They kissed passionately, more intensely than the night before but there was something different this time. Probably because he could feel the tears in her smooth face. Probably because they both know this was a sort of goodbye and did not change anything. _Until it did. It changed everything_. Last night's kiss was desperate, reckless, and sloppy. Draco wanted her more than anything but somehow there is something else that he could not point out. His chest was tight, every muscle of his body ached and there is something falling in his stomach, over and over again. They broke of the kiss and looked at each other but instead of walking away, embarrassed with what happened, Hermione smiled, and Draco found himself vulnerable for the first time in his life. She could do whatever she wanted with him and he would obey. He hated this feeling, this weakness that was growing in him. His weak legs, weak mind. Just weak. But that did not matter.

Hermione took a step back; her lips were swollen and red. She was out of breath and desperately trying to put herself together when she just wanted to crawl into her bed. "Tell me again why this is a bad idea" She said, trying to break the silence.

"Sometimes I don't know." He said honestly and smiled at her. He reached for her hand and she let him, he interlaced their fingers together. "Thank you for…" She did not know what he was talking about before she could find out Ginny entered the room, her face as red as her hair. Panting and with startled eyes, as if she had seen something that frightened her deeply. She looked at Hermione and Draco, a mixture of confusion and surprise crossed her eyes but clearly, this was not the time to question the strange dynamics in which her best friend was.

"Hermione, It's Ron. He was poisoned." Ginny hurriedly. "Harry is with him."

"What?" Hermione said, puzzled. "What do you mean, poisoned?"

Draco knew that everything had changed for him after that kiss and that everything would change for Hermione when he really knew who he was.


	16. Poison

She hurried to the infirmary, listening to her and Ginny's footsteps echoing in the walls of the castle. There was a chill in the approaching night, the shy sun of the afternoon was fading away in a mist of grey and dark clouds that were welcoming the night. It fit the occasion perfectly. When the young witches entered the room, making the old doors ranged like an old tree, the director and professor McGonagall looked at them with an empathic look. Hermine notice that the teacher seemed really shaken by the situation, by the way, her lip was twisted in an agonized and worried expression. She looked at the director who nodded at her with the usual sparkle in his eyes, even in troubled times. Sometimes Hermione hated that.

"Harry…" Hermione said touching gently in Harry's back that was facing a very pale and sick Ron. He looked like a ghost as if all life were sucked from him.

Harry stood from the chair and hugged Hermione. The embrace felt nice, warm, and familiar, like coming home. Hermione took the liberty to close her eyes, just for seconds, and feel the comfort that her best friend always gave her, but she could not ignore the harsh reality when she opened the eyes and stared at Ron's sick face. She finally surrenders for a minute and let the tears that threatened to break out since she knew what had happened to Ron.

"Is he going to be okay?" Hermione gained the courage to ask, ignoring the cracks in her voice.

"Yes. Of course, Miss Granger." Dumbledore said. "It looks like Ron was accidentally poisoned."

"How can someone be accidentally poisoned?" She said in an overly aggressive tone that she should not when addressing the director.

"The liquor bottle was supposed to be for me." He said, calmly, as if it were just another death threat, he received that day. "It was all a terrible situation, but thanks to Harry, your friend will be fine."

"Just give him a few hours and tomorrow he will be good as new." The teacher gave them a friendly smile. "He will be here all night."

The door to the infirmary opened again, this time even harshly and seconds later a sobbing Lavender appeared running to Ron's side. Since the party, she practically stuck to Ron, following him everywhere he went. 

"Oh, Ron" I can't believe it." She said crying. "What the hell did you do to him?" She said looking straight at Hermione.

"Excuse me?" She replied incredulously.

"He always gets hurt when he's with you ... with you both." She said recognizing Harry who was standing next to Hermione, defensively. "He's not like both of you, he's got something to lose. People that love him."

"We are his best friends, you st…." Hermione replied.

"You better go, Lavender." Ginny intervened for the first time. Hermione looked back at her friend, thankful because the words that were coming out of her mouth would make her parents very disappointed. "He's with family, now."

"I'm his friend! I'm not leaving!" She spoke. Ron murmured something. "See! He is calling for me! "She brought her face close to Ron's, sucking all the air around him.

"Ridiculous." Hermione said quietly. Harry looked at her and nodded.

"Her ... Mione." Ron murmured, too low for anyone to hear. Even Dumbledore and the professor approached the scene, with curious eyes.

"What? I can't hear you darling" Lavender said stroking his face with her hand.

"Mione ... Hermione." This time everyone heard him. It was clear who he was calling.

A few seconds later, Lavender finally realized that it was not his name that Ron was calling but Hermione's. Tears streamed down her face and without saying a single word, she ran out slamming the infirmary door on his way out.

"Oh, to be young and feel love's keen sting!" Dumbledore said and left smiling. The teacher looked at the group with a glare and followed the director. "Children." She murmured, more to herself than to her students.

If Hermione could disappear right now, she would. Ron continued to murmur something that resembled her name. Over and over again.

Something fell painfully to the bottom of Hermione's stomach and she knew they weren't actually butterflies. The same ones that she felt for years for Ron and that came and went, as her mood and Ron's fluctuated. Now that a few years have passed between them, Hermione has concluded that compatibility was never exactly the strength of her and Ron's relationship. Something was always in the way, and for a long time she thought it just was not the right time, but now, maybe what had the way was both, who did not want to get into something they were not sure about.

"Hermione … he's calling for you." Ginny reminded her.

 _Guilt._ That is the feeling that is at the bottom of your stomach. Seeing her best friend in her most vulnerable state, admitting any feelings he feels for her, made her feel like the worst person in the world.

"I don't know what to do." She said sincerely.

"Comfort him, Hermione." Harry said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. But why it felt so wrong?

Hermione nodded and sat down next to Ron's bed. He took his sweaty white hand and took it into his own. He looked so fragile to her. Opening his heart in the most vulnerable way possible.

"I'm here." She replied, on the verge of tears. "I'm here, Ron."

Ron opened his eyes slightly, weakly. "I... love you, Mione. I do." He said softly before closing his eyes again. "I….". And then he fell asleep.

Hermione let his hand fall on the sheets again and stood up quickly as if the chair had caught fire. Harry coughed, clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation, it felt like he was watching something he was not supposed to.

"Are you okay Hermione?" Harry asked. 

Hermione looked at Ginny who did not have the same vague and confused expression as Harry. On the contrary, she seemed to know exactly what Hermione was feeling. The urgency to get out of there.

"I need to get some air. I'll be right back." She said and ran out before anyone offered to go with her.

She walked out without a specific place in mind. She just walked fast, leaving the infirmary behind.

"Hermione! Wait" Ginny said behind her, catching her breath.

"I just need a moment Ginny." She said, feeling suddenly very trapped in her own body.

"Ron probably won't remember what he just said to you out here. He's drugged in some heavy troll shit." Ginny said, smiling a little.

"I know but… I will live with the fact that he loves me. I will have to talk to him at some point."

"I know my brother is a pain in the ass but he really cares about you, Hermione." Ginny said with a confused expression "I'm not choosing any sides, but I really thought you liked him. Since 4th year at least." She said. "I know he said something to you that night at the party. Demanded an answer from you, didn't he? And it was before the whole Lavender thing."

"What are you saying, Ginny? That I must love your brother? We are not kids anymore. Ron's my best friend and I love him dearly, but we are not meant to be together just because we are friends since we were 11!"

"Honestly, Hermione I know you, and you didn't just stop liking Ron just like that. If that were the case, you would have done it already, before all of this."

"Ok, just tell me what you wanted me to say Ginny." Hermione said feeling her temper rise dangerously. "So, I can make everyone fucking happy!"

Ginny looked annoyed at her response. "So, Malfoy is your adult safe bet." She said bluntly.

"What?" Hermione said shouting. She immediately looked around her just in case none of Draco's minions were around. "Did you lose your mind?"

"I just saw you two just minutes ago, holding hands, for fuck sake!" She answers back." Did you really think I didn't notice that you are never with us anymore? You are always in your room that you actually shared with Malfoy."

"He's Head Boy and I'm doing an assignment with him! How can we get that over it if we do not actually do it together? I'm not let Malfoy ruin my grades." Hermione said, half telling the truth, half lying.

"Don't lie to my face Hermione. It doesn't suit you." Ginny said. Hermione just stared at her, waiting for this conversation to be over. But she just could not admit what was going on with Draco. A part of her wanted to hold that to herself, cherish it, enjoy it without the final crash of reality fall upon her, without the judgment of her friends.

"I saw the way he looks at you." Ginny said sincerely and to that Hermione felt her cheeks grown hot. "At classes when you are being your usual self and ignoring everyone. He stares. And not in a creepy way or… hateful way." Ginny said seeming calmer with her own words like she was realizing something just now. "Just in a kind way."

"Ginny…" Hermione tried to explain but she could not. How can she put to words something she could not explain to herself? "It's not what you think but please don't tell the boys."

"Of course, I won't. But why didn't you tell me anything? It's me." Ginny said, clearly hurt. 

"Because I don't know what's going on. I really do not. I just… he's not the same and I supposed I'm not either." Hermione remembered their last conversation. "And it doesn't matter anymore."

"What do you mean?" She asked confused.

"C'mon Ginny. Do you really think a guy like Malfoy and me could ever have a chance? We are spearing each other heartbreak or worse." Hermione said, remembering his words. I _cannot watch you die because of me, Granger_. "So, there's nothing really to tell."

"There's not?" Ginny asked, looking incredulous. "You basically just tell me that you and Malfoy were a thing."

"We are not a thing. We are friends, that is it. We just come to terms that we tolerate each other, in small doses." Hermione said. _And kiss each other sometimes. That too_. "Are you mad?" Hermione asked fearfully.

"I'm confused that of all people you are friends with Malfoy. Are you sure you are not under a love potion or something?" She asked looking serious.

Hermione smiled. "I promise you, Ginny, I already wondered that myself. And I'm not."

"Well, then. Will you ever tell the boys the truth?" Ginny asked. Hermione had thought about it a hundred times. It felt wrong to be with them and then come back to their room and just hang out with Draco. Talk about a variety of topics with him, while drinking tea or coffee. Discussing classes and the professors. Laugh. Tease him. Offering him help. A way-out that would probably make her some sort of a traitor. She would not blame them if they thought that of her, it felt a betrayal on many levels, especially the one that involved her kissing him. It would break Ron's heart and she would lose all the respect and bond she had with Harry.

"I don't know Ginny." She said honestly. "I don't want to lose any of them."

"I won't say anything but Hermione, they are your best friends probably for life, but you have a life of you own. If you find that Malfoy is worth it, of being in your life, I will not judge you for putting yourself first, or him." Hermione nodded, unsure of what to say. Ginny words were not just something your best friend would say to support your poor choices of boys. It was something more. Was she talking about the times where they would be on a different side of the war? Was Ginny supporting a world in which Hermione choose Draco over her friends, whatever that meant. She would never do that. _Would she?_

"I'm going back, to see Ron." Ginny said smiling lightly, trying to change the mood of the conversation.

"Fuck, I just remembered that we have that bloody assignment to finish tonight." She said touching her aching head. "If Ron awakes tell him I will be back later in the night. Thank you, Ginny... for everything. "She hugged her best friend.

"I will see you tonight." She responded with a warm smile and left, giving Hermione a last glance before disappearing.

With everything that happened tonight, Hermione had completely forgotten about the task they had to finish, while it was still the full moon. If not, all the work that she and Draco had in the last month would be in vain. Hopefully, he was still in the dorm and they could finish this as soon as possible before time ran out. She could only imagine the disappointment in Snape's face.

Hermione entered the room and immediately called for him, but without receiving an answer. He must have been in the Slytherin dorm. She could go over there and drag him to the room to finish this task. _Jesus Christ_ , the moon was in full capacity, right now would be the perfect time to finish the potion.

Quickly, she went to her room and grabbed some books and notes that would be necessary to make this potion. She was so focused on her organization that she did not hear the bedroom door open and close, only to open it again. Then voices were heard, at first merely whispers but then clear as day. Hermione winced. It was Professor Snape's voice. _Why was he in their bedroom? Did he find out they were terribly behind in the potion?_

"I don't need a dog behind me." Draco said spitting out practically hate and outrage.

"Calm down now, Draco." Snape responds, in his usually monotonous tone as if it were too hard to move his lips to come out with understandable syllables. "You are being reckless, Draco. This is not the way. I understand that you are under a lot of pressure ..."

Draco laughed sarcastically. "You don't understand shit."

Hermione approached the door to her room, which she thanked herself for closing it behind her, in habit. They were in the living room, just a few steps from her.

"The director is suspicious, as you can imagine he would when he realized someone is trying to poison him." Snape said calmly as if he just had to list facts. "Do you really think the best wizard who ever lived was going to die because a 16-year-old kid tried to poison him?"

Hermione got away from the door like it was burning and she just got hurt. Absolute shook spread to her face. _Was she dreaming about this?_

"That was a bloody mistake." Draco said between his teeth.

"Which part? The one that almost involves the death of a former colleague?" Snap asked. "Don't think I'm not paying attention, Draco. Was it really a mistake?"

"How was I supposed to know that Weasel was going to drink from that bottle? I handed it to Professor Slughorn." Draco said, trying to keep his voice detached and calm but failing.

Hermione was struggling between opening the door and exposing the whole conversation. Maybe go to Dumbledore office and tell the truth, once and for all. The damn secret she kept about Draco almost killed her best friend. Ron. In a way, she was complicit in all Draco's actions and it made her sick. _What would Ron think of her now? And Harry?_

There was a silence in the living room. "Where's Granger?" asked Snape.

"In the infirmary." Draco said unbothered.

"Does she suspect of anything?" he asked bluntly.

"What?" Draco asked confused. "What are you implying."

"You shared a room with her, she may have seen or heard something that involves the mission. I would hate for Miss Granger to be involved, we both know they wouldn't spare her."

Draco said nothing right away. Hermione could not see his face but there was a clear pause. "She doesn't know anything. I am not a bloody idiot; I am not spreading out the fucking mission. I know what I am doing."

"Do you, Draco? Really? Because it seems to be that you are just a boy playing with magic for the first time. Being reckless and stupid. Putting people on the line."

Draco laughed coldly. "Isn't that what we do professor? Sacrifice people for the cause? I don't need your lectures about what's right or wrong, you're just as fucked as any of them." Hermione heard steps across the room.

"I made a vow with your mother." Snape said in the same cold voice as nothing could get to him. Just a shallow and creepy man.

"Don't worry professor. You will not have to dirty your precious hands anymore. My death will be my own." Draco said simply. "Is that all?"

"For now." Snape said, merely a whisper, and left. The door closed with a bang and Draco cursed out loud, throwing out something that smashed into little pieces on the floor.

Feeling the anger rise in her, Hermione opened the door, without thinking twice about what she was going to say. Draco stared at her, at first with shock but then an indifference reaches his face like he understood what was coming for him. His eyes said everything. _He did this to Ron. Was he ever going to tell her?_

"Hermione…" He begins to say. "I don't know what you think you heard but I promise you..."

"Ron almost died because of you, you asshole!" Hermione yelled and grabbed her wand in an instant, facing him against the wall. Memories of 3rd year came into her mind, except this time, she was somehow involved with him, practically responsible for what happened to Ron tonight. She could have stopped him, but she did not. 

"That was never my plan!" Draco yelled back, pushing his hair back. "Look…"

"What is your plan then? Kill Dumbledore? Are you really that blind, Draco?"

"I have to. I have no fucking choice." Hermione snorted. "Don't fucking do that!" He said pointing his finger at her. "Don't act all almighty with me, you would do the same for your family in a blink of an eye."

"I wouldn't kill an innocent people!" Hermione said angry with the assumption.

"Oh please. Spare me. You and Potter are just the same. Honestly, you deserved each other." He said hatefully. "Thinking you are better than anyone, with your high moral when it's all lies you tell yourself to feel good. You cannot save anyone Granger. And there will come a day when you must sacrifice something for someone you care about. Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty."

"This can't go on anymore." Hermione said stepping away from him. Draco smiled in a defeated manner, very different from his usual smirk. "Whatever this is."

"Did you finally saw me for what I am, Granger?" He asked approaching her. "I'm not saint Potter. I do what has to be done to protect my family, even if it means to kill some old man." Draco said. "I would sacrifice myself for them and I don't care if this makes me a bad person because, at the end of the day, my mom will be safe and alive."

Hermione just stared at him lost in her own thoughts while his grey ice eyes were carved on her. A part of her hated him deeply at this moment. Hated the fact that Ron could be dead because of him. Hated him for his mission, for being on the wrong side of the war. But another part of her understood him. What would she do if she were in the same position? She would not give up, that is for sure and she would not let her parents die. But would she kill someone to guarantee that? _There was even a choice?_

"I understand that you have to tell Dumbledore about what you heard." He broke the silence.

"So, I'm now collateral damage?" Hermione said fearing the answer.

"I would never hurt you." He simply said and she knew he was telling the truth.

"Why?" She demanded. "I thought you didn't have morals. I'm just in the way of your fucking mission."

"This has nothing to do with my morals. I won't hurt you, not now, not in the battlefield if that comes to that." Hermione felt grown hot and anxious. "As I said, I would not let you die because of me."

"Of course, only my friends, right?" She answered bitterly.

Draco breathed out loud. He was tired, she could see that by the way, he was curved, merely without any energy to stand. He was always like this, even when they were sitting at the coach, he was just fading away. "I'm sorry, Granger." Draco said looking at her again. "I'm fucking everything up." He smiled, nervously. "Clearly, I'm not made for this task."

"No one is. He's Dumbledore." Hermione whispered. "It's a suicidal mission, you must know that."

Draco nodded like it did not make the difference to him anymore. "He wants to punish my father. That is why I'm doing this. Why I was chosen. Pathetic, right? Because of my father's mistakes, my family will die if I don't do what he wants."

Silence fell upon them. There was no more ignoring or escaping what was going on between them for the past few weeks. Maybe it was her brave and fair side, or maybe it was something else much more complicated, but Hermione was determined to find a way out that did not involve Malfoy's death or detention for life. Was it really that wrong of her? She knew it was in her friend's eyes. 

"Let's go talk to Dumbledore, he will understand your side."

"I appreciate the act but it's too late for that. Your friend almost got killed. And I... He would never take me." Draco said sitting in the coach. "Not now."

Hermione stared at Draco who was ignoring her gaze. "What if I came with you?"

"Are you insane?" Draco asked. "Your friends were going to doubt your loyalty. Or kill me in the spot. Or worse, arrest me, and then He would know I betrayed him."

"My word counts for something. Dumbledore trusts me after all these years. I will be with you when you talk with him. I will make him understand and I would not take a no for an answer." She said, sitting at his side, trying to gather all the confidence she did not really have.

"Merlin, you are a pain in the ass." Draco said massaging his eyes. A part of him wished she would just give up on him, let it all rot. 

"A pain in the ass that it's trying to save your life." She said obnoxiously. "We will get to your mom, get her to safety."

"How?" Draco asked without a hint of confidence. "The Dark Lord is powerful Hermione, and he's living in the Manor. Having dinner with them, he could kill them both in their sleep."

"You should give the Order a little more credit. We are still standing, aren't we?" She said, trying to look confident. "I know a life of running it's the ideal life but… it's better than to be dead."

"Granger, I tried to kill Ron and…"

"I know." She said right back. _And Katie Bell, she thought._ "I'm not saying I forgive you. But I won't just stand to watch you kill Dumbledore and starting the war." Hermione said like it was the only real reason she was doing this. Practically risking her friendships for Draco.

"That's it? Just trying to protect the old bat?" Draco asked. He was teasing her, she knows it. He was expecting her to say the other reason why she was doing all of this. Because she wanted to protect him, to keep him safe. Because somehow, along the way, she has grown fond of him. And with the time fond seemed like a small word for all the troubles she was getting into because of him.

Hermione opened her mouth to tell him half the truth at least but she just could not ignore that her best friend was lying in the infirmary because of him.

"The old bat is what's keeping us all together," Hermione said turning away from him. 

"Granger…" Draco said. "Do you know what this means right? I'm taking a huge leap of faith in your word and in Dumbledore power to protect my family. If they knew…"

"I know." Hermione said.

Draco wanted her to tell him that she was doing this for him. Not only for the sake of the world but because she cared for him, despite all the fucked up things he did. Draco wanted to hear those words like he never wanted to hear anything. Maybe, in the end, all of this was worth it for something. But he was no fool, he did not deserve any of it. And not her. 

Hermione was still feeling unwell, trying to ignore the bile threatening to rise in her throat. She did not even know if she would be able to look in the mirror after doing this. But she had to live with her actions. She avoided looking directly at Draco, for several reasons. Mostly to avoid feeling more guilty than she already did, and not to do something stupid, like feeding even more whatever she has allowed growing in the past few days between them. She was going to help him, prevent a war and that was it. _Easy_.

"Well, we need to finish that bloody assignment. Ready?" He said, changing the topic. Hermione just nodded and went to her room to grab some things that were required. As she moved away from him, from his presence and from his eyes that begged her for something, she took several deep breaths, trying to recover the breath she had lost since the moment she heard Snape. 

In the other room, Draco knew he had lost his only truly way-out. 


	17. Burning

"Pathetic. Lazy. Ordinary.” Snape was naming all the worst possible adjectives to describe the results of their potions assignment. “I gave you more than a month to finish this, to refine it, and still, you handle me garbage.” He said looking down at the class, from his high podium.

Every single student in this class was used to the disappointed look on Snape's face and his harsh words to the point they started to mean nothing. But not to everyone, certainly not to Hermione Granger. Draco glanced at her, who was sitting right next to him, curved to the point she looked even smaller than she used to. She was biting her nails nervously and her eyes were about to come out of her face, fixated in Snape’s discrete hand gestures. She had black circles around her eyes, and she did not even bother to brush her hair this morning, just enough to make it seems proper decedent to the eye. Last night felt like had happened thousand years before. Between finishing up the potion before the full potency of the moon vanished and writing a 10-page report on the results and, of course, Ron’s almost immediate death by Malfoy’s stupid attempt, left Hermione exhausted, with no sleep. They went to their room at almost three a.m., leaving an awkward and painful silence between them after the task was finished. Hermione thought of saying something nice or easy-going, but then again, Ron’s face pierced into her mind. His weak and vulnerable state, his words of love to her, that she did not deserve. She could see Draco was thinking the same thing, trying to gather his courage to say something, anything, to keep this from break. Hermione just sighed and went to her room.

“Your grades will be in the Great Hall during the lunch break,” Snape said. He always did that. Tell them how bad the grades were at the start of the class, only to handle them two hours after, leaving them anxious and scared the whole time. “Now, turn to page 789.” He said turning around to his desk.

Hermione glanced at Draco that did not seem interested in their grade or whatever Snape was talking about. She remembered their conversation last night; how frustrated and even angry Draco’s words sounded. He always protected Draco like one of his own, even like a son sometimes. She did not understand the animosity of Draco’s tone, _but then again, she did not know him, did she._

Surely, it feels very surreal for him to be in the classroom like nothing was happening in his life and the world in general. As his family was not being kept in the Manor, under the rule of some maniac that wanted their heads like trophies of conquest. _For what? A world without muggle-born, without half-bloods? What would that world look like?_ Draco often wondered about that hypothetical world, since these ideas and beliefs become something present in his daily life, in his group of friends, and during dinner with his parents. He remembered the bizarre tales about Voldemort being alive and his eventual return. His father used to tell him about His return, with proud and anxious eyes, waiting for something to happen, but to Draco they sounded like haunted stories to tell before dark about a man that most people feared and respect enough to kill for you, to leave their homes and families. And when he returned, weak like an infant, like something dead that did not belong in this place, Draco knew something terrible was about to happen, because the myth that he was, turned to bones and flesh.

Still, he was torn in what the dead walking man preached. His father taught him about the disease that was muggle-born and about the real magic that only old and noble families like their possessed. The royalty and sense of pride fascinated him, without understanding the real consequences of what it truly meant. But he came to realize that power was bloody and it usually meant the fall of something else or someone. While growing up the thought of being responsible for the fall of someone was something, he grows accustomed to. He wanted to be the best in everything, to be the chosen one in something that mattered and when he was so close to achieving that, he understood what it meant. It means the death of a thousand people that did not know about magic or Voldemort, the death of thousands of people that were just living their lives and did not even think about honorable magic. Ordinary people, with people they cared about and protected as Draco did. He wondered a lot about that mad world that Voldemort would create. If he survives all of this, surely, he will become a Death Eater, like his friends. Blaise, Pansy, Theo. In a blink of an eye, murder would become part of their world like it meant nothing, like it was their job, something banal like checking in the office and doing paperwork. He would be a killer and he did not find any honor in that.

He glanced at Hermione who was focused on the book, practically drinking all the words on it. _It meant her death._ He did not know the exact moment where everything changed between them. Maybe she was just a sign, a reminder of what his acts meant to most people. Maybe she was just a getaway from all the awful things he had to do. And now, she was holding his solution and his family safety. A part of him felt stupid for trusting someone that much, with the faith of his family and his. Lucius would be laughing at his face, dishonoring him for what he was about to do for his family. Trusting all his faith in an old bat and in the last girl he thought he would be linked to. _A girl that cannot even look him in the eye._

The class ended without Draco paying a single moment of attention. Passing the year with good grades becomes something trivial, too small for him to care about. Like most things, he lost the passion or enjoyment for it. Potions were one. If it were not for Granger and her annoying rants about the value of education, he would not even do his homework. Most days he wished to stay in bed.

“Ready to find out our grade?” She said, for the first time since last night.

“Sure.” He said, maintaining eye contact longer than needed. Hermione glanced down immediately.

Draco looked around, of habit. His friends were waiting for him to close the door. Only Blaise was looking at him interested in their conversation. Sometimes Draco wanted to smash his friend for being so nosy. Hermione soon realized where he was looking and gathered her things and left without a single look at him. He felt a pinch of anger and something he could not put his finger on rising in his chest.

“Granger.” Blaise said acknowledging her presence with a smile.

“Blaise.” Hermione responded walking past him with her head in the books.

“Draco! Let’s go.” Pansy yelled for him. “I’m starving.” Draco grabbed his things and joined his friends, ignoring the curious and playful look Blaise gave him until the Great Hall.

* * *

“How are you feeling Ron?” Harry asked, clearly worried for this best friend. Ron looked a lot better, less pale, and more himself. And high as fuck. “You look great.” He said noticing his friend's wide smile.

“I feel great mate. Over the fucking moon. Honestly. You should try. Just give up that chosen one role and have fun.” Ron said with eyes wide open like he just understood something know that no one else gets it. “I’m being serious.” Harry, Hermione, and Ginny changed a look and started laughing without stopping. “Mione... listen to me. We are losing our golden years and for what?”

“To save the world and everyone on it from a maniac bastard?” Hermione asked playfully.

“Yea. Fuck him, that is what I think. You know what we should do?” Ron grabbed Harry and Hermione's hands to him. “Go on a vacation! I’m tired of this crap and gloomy weather, always so fucking depressing.”

“You’re right Ron.” Hermione said looking at Harry and then at Ron. “We should. Maybe after everything.” Hermione said being hopeful. She did not believe in her words; she would never admit to her best friends but a part of her did not believe she would survive this war. Maybe because she was a walking target, on the high of a kill list of Voldemort. Maybe she was just tired. The idea of vacations and running away never sound more appealing than now. Harry glanced at her and nodded. He understood her, even at this moment, even in the silence she left behind.

“You too Ginny. And Fred, and George. Just… don’t tell mom.” Ron said. Ginny smiled and their bickering between brothers soon begun, after she said Ron was a mommy’s boy. Even high, Ron’s temper was present.

“Ron, what they gave you?” Hermione asked of pure curiosity.

“I don’t know. Some pills. They tasted amazing.” Ron said amazed. “I wish I could keep some.”

“I bet you do, mate.” Harry said. “Are you ready to get out of here?”

“Fuck yes. We have practice mate! The game is already next weekend, and I am not ready. I’m slow, Harry and…” And Hermione stopped listening to the boys that went to some heavy quidditch rant that could last for hours and hours.

Hermione and Ginny agreed to wait outside for them to get ready. She looked better, less shaken up about last weekend but it was evident to Hermione that was something going on with her. She wished she could help a friend from those doubts that were hanging on her head.

“Have you talked to him?” Hermione asked. “I may have lost slightly my temper with him, just for a few seconds.”

“I heard about it. All school’s is talking about you and Dean's hot affair.” Ginny said. “I suspect he got his ass kicked.”

“Hot affair? Jesus fucking Christ, who made up that shit?” Hermione thought of Blaise, who saw everything, but then again, a lot more people were in the corridor at that time.

“Thank you H.” Ginny said talking her hand. “For everything. But I think I can get it from here. Not that I do not love your badass- hero act, I just need closure for myself.”

“I understand Ginny.” Hermione said hugging her friend. At that moment, Harry and Ron got out of the infirmary and Ron started racing to them, embracing the girls in a sandwich hug. Soon Harry joined.

“I love my friends.” Ron said. Everyone is laughed at because Ron would never do something like this or say something like that. “Why are we hugging?” He asked genuinely confused.

“We love drugged Ron. Much more pleasant to be with.” Ginny said. “How long until the old grumpy Ron kicks in?”

“I had an idea!” Ron shouted and then hushed at no one in the corridor. “We should get drunk.”

“I think you had enough Ron.” Hermione said. “You can barely walk or talk.”

Ron approached Hermione fast, too much for her comprehension. He grabbed her face gently, his both hands at each one of her cheeks. “Well, but you are not, Hermione.” He said changing his tone to one more seriously. “Why the sad face Mione?” He asked.

 _Guilt._ “I was worried for you Ron.” She said truthfully. “And I do not think it wise to get you drunk when you already have drugs in your system.”

He sighed. “Fine. Well, maybe you guys can get drunk then.” He said cheering up at the idea. “I think we all need a break, don’t we? For everything.” He said.

“I guess stoned Ron was replaced by wise old Ron.” Ginny said. “He may be right.”

“Harry… back me up on this.” Hermione pleaded. “I am head girl; I cannot be a part of this shenanigans.” She crossed her arms and her friends approached her with their puppy eyes. “You cruel creatures.”

“C’mon Hermione. Just today.” Harry said. “Do you have patrols tonight?”

“No.” Hermione merely said avoiding looking at his best friend. “Besides, where we would get free booze?”

“Oh, my dear friend.” Ginny said smiling proudly. “Don’t worry about it. I got it.” No one questioned Ginny and Hermione wandered what kind of connections her friend may have.

“See. Ginny’s got it. You just have to look away and relax, Mione.” Harry said putting his arm around her.

“For me?” Ron pleaded. “I had a really bad night, if you did not hear, I was poisoned.” He said putting his hand on his heart looking hurt and fragile.”

Hermione could not help but smile at the dramatics of her best friends, each one worse than another. She had no desire to lose her badge of Head’s Girl, but then again, she desperately needed to back out just for a moment. _What could go wrong anyway?_

* * *

 _A lot could go wrong in just a couple of hours, especially when you put four drunk kids, each one with their problems, in one small room._ Things got weird fast between Harry and Ginny, both intoxicated with muggle beer that somehow Ginny got her tiny hands on it. Hermione missed ordinary beer, the one that does not taste that good but just lets you sink in a state of nonexistence for a while. She was thinking about Draco and hating herself for doing it; about how their friends – the same ones that declare their dying love for each other just a few minutes ago – would react. Would they call her a traitor? Would they hate her for helping the enemy? Those thoughts were interrupted when Ginny, who was dancing with Harry, with a drink on her hand, rather suddenly dropped the bottle to the coffee table and walked out. “I need some air.” She just said.

Harry smile’s that lighted up his face at the early of the night were long gone; Hermione knew him enough to know it was not sadness or confusion, but rather a sense of understanding that disturbed him deeply. It was a statement that made him like that; just as was clear he was in the center of the war, that he was a chosen one with a rule to play, Harry knew something that involved Ginny and Hermione dread that truth for her friend.

“What was all that about?” Ron asked, rather sleepy at the coach. The drugs were starting to lose their effect.

Harry just told him to forget about it and Ron returns to her sleepy state. Hermione was glancing at him, remembering the words he said to her. _I love you._ She knows it was true, just like she loved him, just not in the same way. In truth, those words made her feel deeply sad, almost in an existential way mostly because she was grieving a part of them that would never happen, not now. She was grieving the part of her that loved him in the same way, for many years; that wanted him just the same way; that longed to hear those words and for them to be together. It made her sad to see that potential of something, that was always lurking beneath, just disappear in a matter of months. But was it really that suddenly? Or was something changing, over time, deep in her. She was not fooled to ignore Draco’s presence on it. The booze was making her sad and sloppy when she just wanted to forget all of this in the first place. Maybe she was also grieving for her and Draco, for a world made of what-ifs, for a world where she could simply make room of her feelings about him; in a world where he did not almost kill Ron.

“I am going to check on her.” Hermione said, grabbing another beer. Harry nodded, lost in thoughts. Ron mumbled something that sounded nice and comfortable like he sometimes did when he was asleep, and she had the hard job to wake him up.

They decided to have this little party in the Room of Requirements, which conjured up a cozy and small room for them. Leaving that room to the harsh and cold corridor of the school made her tremble, she missed the warmth. Ginny was not around like she doubted she would. She was probably at the lake, despite the cold that was setting in. Once again, Hermione forgot her cloak and she seriously thought, at that point, she was begging for a cold. Her face felt hot, probably because of the alcohol reaching her face. She lost the count of how many beers she had, maybe four. Maybe it was not wise to wander around the school in this state, but clearly, Hermione was not thinking straight.

In truth, Hermione hasn’t felt this light for a long time. Rather suddenly she wondered what would happen if the attack from death eaters happened at this precise moment. Surely, she would drop dead, drunk, and lonely, and sad. The Golden Girl was found dead with a bottle of beer in her hand. Hermione laughed at that. 

“I knew it would be you.” He said bluntly. Hermione glanced back and shot him a half-smile – a drunken smile.

“Malfoy!” She screamed, wagging a finger at him. “What are you doing here? Are you following me?” She slurs.

“Granger.” He merely said, confusion pierced into his forehead. “Patrols. And you?” He looked down at her hand. She takes another swig of beer, maintaining eye contact with him. Maybe in another scenario, she would look hot, but in this, she looked sloppy and not a pretty type of sensual drunk. More like a drunk monkey, she thought.

“Walking around. Enjoying the evening, you know.”

He studies her for a long moment – his eyes carved on hers. He leans back against the wall of the corridor like he was too tired of being still in one place. “Granger, please don’t tell me you are pissed-off drunk.”

“Me? I am Head Girl. I don’t get drunk. This is water from muggles, you know. Water.” She said and giggled at that. “You should try some.” She walked at him, trying to keep her balance, and failing. “Here.” She handled to him the bottle. Draco looked at her suspiciously. “I promise it’s not poison.” She said smiling. “That’s your thing, right?” She spits back bitterly.

Hermione half- laughed sarcastically and walked to one of the windows, avoiding him. His guilt and pleading eyes.

“Fuck you.” Malfoy answered, dropping the bottle to the ground. “I don’t fucking care about Weasley. If he dropped dead, I would sleep like a fucking baby. It was a mistake but one I don’t feel sorry about.” He said angrily. His nasty stern and arrogance were back just like that and Hermione wanted to devour him.

“That’s the person I remembered.” She said back. “The goody act doesn’t suit you, Malfoy.” She started walking away from him when he grabbed her arm too tightly and pulled her to him. Face to face. All the anger and the hatred facing each other. “I’m not your silly friends Granger. And don’t act all that mighty with me.” He smiled viciously. “I don’t think I need to remind you what you were doing when Ron was in the infirmary.” _Kissing him_. Hermione wanted to punch him, and he may felt her arms raising because he grabbed her even more tightly.

"Fuck you Malfoy.” She said meaning every word.” He lets her go slowly, without breaking the eye-contact.

Hermione felt herself growing hot and desire that beer more than ever. In the next instant, his hand is suddenly molded against her cheek, his touch is not gentle. It’s hard and troubling and imminent. Making pressure. Waiting. It was fucking painful. Hermione closed her eyes and in the next moment, she closed the gap between them and kissed him – or collapsed into him. His fingers bury into her curls and he moves his lips just beneath her cheekbone. Small kisses left her making quiet moans. She does not recognize the sound she was making but it drives her to tangle her fingers in his white shirt, twisting around his green tie. Pulling him, closer and closer. She feels desperate, drunk in different ways – drunk in him. And it’s now, more than ever, that she realizes how much she wants this, him. Draco drops his hands from her hair and draws her body against his, gently touching her lower back. Teasing her. His mouth never left hers and she wished it stayed like that for a long time. Until they hear urgent footsteps coming in front of them. Malfoy stumbles back, Hermione felt exposed, without his body molded into hers, without her months on hers. She felt raw, her lips were sullen and too sensitive.

“Who was that?” Draco asks, his voice low and musky.

Hermione stares at the dark of the corridor. Her head felt dizzy and she thanked for that because that was the only reason her paranoia was not kicking in and she was freaking out. She stared at Draco with his unkempt hair and loose tie and untucked shirt – did she do that? She wonders about her state but one look at Draco’s hungry or possessive eyes is enough to know she was no better than him.

“I don’t know.” She said. They both stand there, gathering their breath for a long time. Hermione opens her mouth to speak, terribly afraid of what had just happened between them. She can’t bear the reality of what just happened, of what she felt. It was no distraction from war or whatever she pictured it to be to make her feel good with herself at the end; this was burning inside her. If this were another boy, she would go running to Ginny telling her all about her feelings, but this was him. The secrecy of it all just made her want to crawl with him to their room; where no one judged, not even themselves. Because only Hermione and Draco could understand the mess they were in and that pulled them closer than anything in this world.

“I just need to finish this floor and then I’m done with patrols,” Draco said like he understood her longing and conflicting feelings. Hermione nodded and joined him, walking just a little behind him. There was no need for any words.


End file.
